2 - Encounter

Journey Into My Heart 1
Welcome.
The events that you will read in this blog are true and accurate.
However, you will see that I have drawn my own conclusions from the events that have happened.

The section from here (Journey Into My Heart 1) up until August 10th (Journey 16) is left - untouched - from when it was just a private blog - I was happy and proud of my miraculous romance.

It was originally started in July 2007 as a private photo-record of my diary, written during my journey to the Philippines - & it was hosted at first on MySpace. Tierra Maria Estates were made aware of my blog in August 2007, I had sent them the URL in an email - I was still keeping it updated on the unfolding story - as the events happened - but it was not always public. However after I wrote the evidence about the fake-scar in October and made the blog public - one hour later - the account was hacked and everything disappeared. MySpace, after security checking, were very helpful in eventually rescuing the files for me. I now keep them separately backed up.

MY JOURNAL
Some of you may view this as simply unashamed self-publicity, maybe as the trumpetings of a middle-aged man - finding some excitement during a mid-life crisis.
Please let me assure you that these poems, my diary of events, originally were thoroughly private affairs of my heart - they are only posted here to be read as such - and to give me something to do that keeps me close to the wonderful memories I have, while I wait for my situation to resolve itself.
It all started with a growing discontent - at the rut I was in.
My wife and I had been steadily drifting apart for too many years.
Happy in my work, but tired, really tired of being financially drained every month - life was seemingly going nowhere.
The mortgage hung around my neck like a slab of concrete - the house became a burden, not a home.

Out of the blue - cyberspace is blue you know - I received an invitation from a young Filipina to become friends on Friendster. She was very pretty, as indeed a great many of them are - we started an exchange of communication. Somehow, the forwardness of her admitted affections made them seem rather perfunctory - but it is all too easy to be swayed by the satisfaction this brings, the soothing massage to the ego. Before too long, I suspected that I was about to be scammed for money - she started to mention that her family could no longer afford her tuition fees as a trainee nurse - he, he - again, it all seemed far too business like - and stuck out like a red flag for what was supposed to be a developing relationship. Not particularly subtle at all. I've read and I'm sure you've heard tales of the sort of behaviour that goes on - so I cut off communication.
But a seed had been planted in my head.
To be honest - hopefully you will have detected by now, it is not my intention to hide anything from you - I have always been attracted to an Eastern look, the dusky skin, the raven hair - I read a great deal on websites associated with the Philippines that they have great respect for the elder members of society (see where this is going?) - were not too particular about the physical appearance of their partner, appreciating more the attributes of loyalty and honesty - "God-fearing" - as they would say.
I will openly admit to my feelings and accept what my taste is - I see no cause for shame either - I am not intending to use force or deception. Provided that I find reciprocation and mutual understanding, I will stand by my particular attractions - free from any burden of guilt that some would wish to accompany them.
I am in search of the miraculous.
I was God-fearing, but now that fear has all but evaporated - replaced by an attitude of wonderment and love - sometimes overwhelmingly so, especially recently.

So I joined a website specifically designed for dating Asian women.
The process is standard - fill in a profile, submit a photo - search through the profiles and lodge messages of interest etc.
My first night, having only just completed my profile - photograph still subject to approval - I got a message back from a young girl in Manila - "Curly Hair."
"hi how are you doing? are you new here? do you have pic? wow musicia here you are! wana be my friend?"
She worked as a "Property Consultant" based in the Tierra Maria Estates sales office in Paranaque City. This was on April 14th 2007 - I remember it so clearly - the start of my adventure, my new life.

[Mayen was aware - right from the start, because I had mentioned my previous encounter, that I was extremely cautious - she admitted that there were a lot of fake people on these dating sites - but assured me that she was all genuine. My research had suggested that the girls on dating sites who lived in the large urban areas, such as Manila, were potentially more risky - in terms of finding a scammer - I was reassured, initially, by the fact that Mayen's profile indicated Southern Leyte as her home - it wasn't until later that I understood she was actually now in Manila.]
Profile picture from DIA
We both seemed to be excited at our new found friendship - indeed we returned day in, day out, to keep the torch burning - as it were - despite the difficulties of actually meeting in real time - due to the seven hour time difference.

[I was enthralled and fascinated also by the mystical charm of the Philippines and the culture there - exploring a new world that seemed to represent a perfect paradise for romance.]
I wrote of my feelings - often in poetry - for I was falling deeply, most surely, most ridiculously in love with this young girl - only 23 years old - what exactly does one feel across the internet - just one simple photograph - but within those eyes, I detected so much - a face that seemed to promise so much to me - way out into my future - I felt such a deep stirring in my heart - much deeper than a simple infatuation.

LOVE STONE
Tides never cease to come and go,
Or draw back with a sigh,
Nor stays the peace,
My spirits flow,
From sinking low,
To rising high.
My heart,
As if a pebble thrown,
Caught fast upon that sloping shore,
First rolling up,
Then tumbling down,
Polished,
Till a stone no more -
By waves that move too deep inside,
To ever understand,
But prove me brave
To never hide -
Just one
Of countless grains of sand.

I was very alert to the possible madness of what I was allowing to happen to myself - oh yes, I was wary, very wary . . .

Now we both must shed the veil,
And tear to shreds illusion's sail
That doubt or fear may no more find
Propulsion here of any kind.

. . . but instead of it fading - every day brought increased vigour to our relationship - we definitely saw each other as an answer to a long held secret prayer - and soon it came to the point of having to meet each other - to have continued, in this purely text-based world, with the depth of feeling that we both admitted to having, would have been impossible. We'd reached the end of all that words could do - so we had to prove it, finally, positively, by meeting person to person.

MIRACLE
As a shell, upon the ear
Close pressed, will bring the sea,
Within my heart, so faint, yet clear,
Is whispering to me
A voice, in kind, to silence near,
A zephyr, stirring constantly,
As soft as only I may hear,
Yet recognise with certainty.
Lucid, though no word be told,
Insistent, as a drum,
The burden of its message holds
A distant, sacred sum,
Another region of my soul
Is calling me to home,
For it be one, yet not the whole
Of all it may become.

How soon could this happen? I enquired when her holiday time was, not wanting her to be pre-occupied with her work while I was there.
Very soon, dates were suggested - confirmed - meeting with her first in Manila - then meeting with her family, seeing her environment - the province where she was born and brought up. I visited my mother - it was the first time she had heard about my domestic situation - she was very happy about my plans - not understanding much about the internet was puzzled as to how I could be in love with a girl I'd never met - but she gave me her blessing.
The next morning I got a call from my sister in Portugal "What's going on? Mum's had a dreadful dream - her guardian angel told her that you are in danger." I facetiously remarked that my phantom lover on the internet was maybe more real than my mother's guardian angel.
This all had to proceed very secretively - I was certain that my marriage had come to an end - I wanted to move on, release the capital that was tied up in the house - but I wasn't prepared to burn my bridges completely at this stage, so secrecy was imperative.

I sold some shares to raise the air fare, arranged for a dear friend to purchase the tickets online - all untraceable to my bank account - very devious goings on - and all the time, I was feeling so much love in my heart - praising God regularly for this miracle - yes, things even improved at home - well they do if you're feeling love in your heart, don't they.
The trip to the Philippines happened to fall on 10 days that were free - sandwiched between 2 visits to Jersey for work. I would simply extend my visit to Jersey to cover the gap - and to cover my traces.
Or so I thought.

12 hours on this - to Hong Kong - then a 3 hour wait - 2 more hours to Manila.



Click the flags to read about all the alarm bells.

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