31 - Revelation 2

Journey 30

I couldn't save the first few lines from Mayen - but we continued like this - now almost 2 hours after we spoke on the phone.

tim (2:54:04 AM): it is the way I have to be
mayen: timotyh
mayen: why?
tim: because of the distance
tim: and the curious nature of the internet
mayen: no timothy
mayen: i have mail for you
mayen: why
mayen: you tell me
mayen: why
mayen: i never do bad against you
tim: I love the truth
mayen: never
mayen: timothy
mayen: i tell you the truth
tim: A love without truth is like a ship without water
tim: tell me again
mayen: what i will d0?
tim: tell me the truth - I want to know you - the real you - I don't care what you tell me
tim: ther real you
tim: the real you
mayen: im real
tim: please?
mayen: i am
tim: I know you are real
mayen: who told you im not real?
mayen: who teld you?
tim: but I don't think I know the real you - I don't care - just tell me
mayen: i told you
tim: I know you are real
mayen: already
mayen: what will i do?
mayen: i have called you
mayen: why you never talk to me
mayen: who told you that
mayen: im not real
mayen: my brother bakla tried to contact you
tim: you are real - there is no doubt - a real person - I don't know your real motivation
tim: was it he I spoke to on the phone?
mayen: timothy, i dont have any motive
mayen: yah
mayen: its bakla
tim: What does your brother want to talk about?

[Althought I don't know it yet, Mayen is not in Sogod but still in Manila. Her brother however is with her - I spoke to him on the phone. He used to work in Manila - not long after I met Mayen on DIA in April, he suffered "a mysterious mental problem" and returned to the province and his family to recuperate - he worked in cosmetics and makeup, doing hairstyles, colourings etc.]

mayen: i told him about you
tim: what about me?
mayen: that i never contact you
mayen: and you disappear
mayen: timmy why?
mayen: you have a waivering faith?
mayen: why?
mayen: you keep on hurting me
tim: no -I have a faith in truth - unwaivering - I love the truth - I recognise the truth - when it is shown to me
tim: I don't believe I do hurt you
mayen: okay
mayen: tell me
mayen: what you think?
mayen: against me
tim: in order to do that I would have to know who you are - you are a stranger to me
tim: you live in a different world - a world that I just cannot understand
mayen: yah you cant coz you dont want to understand
mayen: i am real
mayen: i am real
tim: I do - more than anything -I want to know you and understand you - but you hide your real self from me
mayen: i dont haave any motive
mayen: no i never hide
tim: do not deny it - you hide your real self from me
mayen: i sow you
mayen: you saw me real me
tim: I have shown you my precise feelings all the time
mayen: my real family
mayen: my real world
tim: no - I don't think I did - I saw who I wanted to see
tim: who you wanted me to see
mayen: timmy?
mayen: why?
mayen: who told you that?
tim: no - I cannot see the real you - because your motives I do not understand
tim: I tell me that
tim: no body else
tim: I say that
tim: I want to give you my love
mayen: i love you
tim: but I need to know you - love is just a word Mayen - just a word
mayen: but what i will do to make me believe im real
tim: tell me what you are doing
mayen: i am here in province?
tim: Sogod?
mayen: yah
mayen: im not lying toy ou
tim: when did you arrive?
mayen: are you suspecting me
tim: you are taking a long time to answer
mayen: timmy
tim: when did you arrive?
mayen: ..im wondeing why you ask like that
tim: simply for the truth
mayen: october 4
tim: because I cannot love you without truth
tim: withoput honesty
tim: I cannot
mayen: i am telling the truth
tim: what does truth mean?
mayen: timmy
mayen: why?
tim: what does love mean?
tim: they have to go together
mayen: love is real
mayen: yah
tim: everything is real
tim: evil is real
mayen: i am real
tim: good is real
tim: and in between -all manner of things
tim: there is nothing that is not real
tim: nothing
tim: even a thought is a real thing
tim: a soul
tim: truth is real
tim: lies are real
tim: so what?
mayen: i dont know what i will do
mayen: to believe me
mayen: yah you are so sensitive
mayen: you are
mayen: and i think.. its your nature
tim: if you really want me to love you - you have to show me who you are
mayen: i am showing you
mayen: i am
mayen: showing you
tim: I am always prepared to love you - no matter what you tell me - so tell me the truth
mayen: what i will tell you?
tim: otherwise I will think your motives are other than love for love's sake
mayen: tell me what i will tell you?
tim: I know your situation - I understand
mayen: what i will tell you?
mayen: you tell me?
tim: everything about you
mayen: i am mayen
mayen: timmy
tim: hello Mayen
tim: what do you do?
mayen: im not fime
mayen: you are torturing me
tim: ?
tim: no I'm not
mayen: you are hurting me
tim: no I'm not
mayen: i dont know why?
mayen: why you have to do this to me
tim: when did you last speak with Sir Francis?
mayen: long time ago
mayen: i told you
tim: OK Mayen - I tell you the truth -are you ready?
mayen: tewll me
tim: I recorded you showing me the scar - and it is a fake.


[In one of the stills extracted from the recording of this session, it is plain to see that Mayen was already prepared to show me the scar again. I hadn't told her of my doubts before we started this session - she has obviously heard from Sir Francis about the video I sent him - and determined not to make the same smudging mistake again - already has her knickers rolled down underneath her shorts. All the recent emails and phone calls being urgent attempts, no doubt on strict instructions to "Get it right this time!" - to get me into another webcam session as soon as possible.]
mayen: oh my god
mayen: its true
tim: what is true?
mayen: it is not fake
mayen: what i will do
tim: show me again - now then
mayen: yah
mayen: oaky
mayen: i will show tyou
mayen: i will find camere
mayen: wait
mayen: timothy
mayen: i never lie to you
tim: yah?
tim: the pictures do not lie
mayen: just wait
mayen: i ahev to show you
mayen: even ther are may people in here
mayen: you make me fool timmy
mayen: i am njot afraid
tim: in the cause of truth - there are no fools
mayen: wait
mayen: wait the web cam is stiill conected
tim: hold it still and close up please
mayen: the camera is slow
mayen: have you seen
tim: OK thank you
mayen: i am not lying to youy
mayen: why you are like that
mayen: TIMOTHY?
mayen: why
tim: because of everything that has happened
mayen: you are really a suspiscious man
tim: go on you can really hate me now - I'm sorry
tim: I am
tim: I am
tim: I am
mayen: you are really so sensitive
tim: I'm sorry - it is hard
mayen: i never lie to you..
tim: I am confused now
tim: totally confused
mayen: of all the things you have done to me
tim: Mayen - I don't know what to think - the scar certaibly looks different to last time

[And it certainly was - it looked the same line and length, but totally different in colour and detail.]

mayen: i dont know why is this haooeining
mayen: to me
tim: it is a different colour
mayen: why you are likethay
tim: because I really need to know that I can trust you
tim: I am sorry
mayen: it is so hard for me
tim: darling Mayen
tim: it is hard for me
tim: please do not cry
mayen: because you are weird
tim: darling Mayen
tim: yah - maybe
mayen: i never thought you are weird
tim: or cautious - because I need to trust you
mayen: i never ask God to have a man like you
tim: I'm not weird - just cautious
mayen: why you gave me to you
tim: I know
mayen: why i meet you
mayen: why
tim: we are learning lessons
mayen: i never do bad
mayen: i never
mayen: ever lie to you
mayen: why i meet you?
mayen: if you cant make me happy
mayen: why i suffer
tim: I can't understand why this is happening to us - I really can't
mayen: because of you
tim: It is beyond me -
mayen: because you are weird
tim: that is why I am silent for 5 days
mayen: because you are sensitive
tim: because I thought you were fooling me
tim: Oh my God -I do not understand - I really don't
mayen: no im not fooling you
mayen: timothy
tim: Mayen
mayen: im not fooling you
mayen: after this
mayen: i have to say goodbye
tim: I really do want to know you - so much better - so that I never lose the trust
mayen: i cant bear this
mayen: why will i stay to you when you are like that
mayen: why i have to stay to you when you dont make me happy
mayen: sometimes i think you are sent to destroy me
mayen: to hurt me
mayen: i have alomst nothing timmy
tim: no - I do not want to hurt you - even if this is something else - I never want to hurt you
mayen: youy always
mayen: hurt me
tim: darling - darling -darling
tim: I'm still here
mayen: i have almost nothing
tim: yah - I understand your situation
mayen: and i thought you can make me happy
mayen: i thought you can make me happy but you bring sadness
mayen: you add my burden
mayen: i cant carry on
mayen: its too heavy
mayen: i cant
mayen: i want to lighten
mayen: it
tim: right - be strong - now -stop crying - please
mayen: you are a heavy load
tim: please
mayen): i cant
tim: stop crying
mayen: because i want to cry
tim: you have to understand me as well as me understand you
mayen: and i want to finish this pain
mayen: i always understand you
tim: this is very very difficult for us both
mayen: but this is too much
mayen: you are too much
tim: I quite understand
mayen: are you now happy
tim: still here
mayen: seeing me cry
tim: no - not been happy since I left Manila
mayen: its your happiness
mayen: to hurt me
tim: no - don't say that
mayen: it is
tim: no it is not
mayen: your happiness
mayen: to hurt me
tim: I don't do any of this to hurt you deliberately
tim: understand that please
mayen: because you have nothing to do but to make other people suffer
tim: I promise you - I cannot hurt you deliberately
tim: no -no -no
mayen: you are full of words timothy
mayen: you have no real word
mayen: all are false
tim: yes I have
tim: no -they are all true
mayen: no they are incredible
mayen: you have no honour
tim: pictures, words can lie if we want them to
tim: I always tell you the truth
mayen: you told me you will not hurt me again
mayen: but you keep on doing that
mayen: you are so sensitive
tim: you know why?
tim: because for you - I am prepared to completely change my whole life
tim: and that is scary
mayen: i dont believe
mayen: its a lie
mayen: timothy
mayen: its a lie
tim: I need to know you inside and out
tim: why am I still here then?
tim: chatting to you?
mayen: because you want me to suffer
tim: no no no
tim: I do not want that
tim: stop saying that
tim: I just want to know exactly what is going on
tim: and it is hard finding out
mayen: you are really crazy
tim: really? why?
mayen: because of your actuations
mayen: me also im crazy
tim: he he
mayen: i am also crazy
tim: yah - we 2 crazies
tim: must be
tim: I know I am
tim: since I met you - my world has been crazy
tim: in all sorts of ways
............
mayen: i cant stop crying
mayen: i am ahamed here
mayen: are you still there?
tim: yah
tim: still here
tim: still confused
tim: still confused
mayen: why?
mayen: what you are doing?
mayen: examining my scar?
tim: Listen Mayen - stuff I get from you - emails - things you say at times - quite often they don't all add up to a clear picture
tim: of what's actually going on
tim: and it leads me to be suspicious
tim: and I get scared that I'm being taken advantage of
tim: simple as that
mayen: oh my godness
mayen: what you are talking about
tim: your camera has gone off
mayen: i dont know
tim: you say different things at different times
mayen: like what?
tim: like for instance - you flew to Leyte - and then you went by superferry
mayen: yah
tim: how can you do both?
mayen: what?
tim: go by sea and air?
mayen: okay you tell me what i say?
tim: you told me that you had a talk with Sir Francis before you flew to Leyte - then when I asked you if you had ear trouble on the flight - you siad you had gine by superferry.
mayen: timmy you are really over
tim: over what?
mayen: over meticulous
tim: well - when all we have is words . . .
mayen: when i say that?
mayen: tell me
tim: in chats - not the same one though
mayen: in all we have talked
mayen: i cant rememebr them all
mayen: you are so senitive
mayen: i dont know
tim: yah - well it's not about what you remember saying to me - it's about the truth
tim: and the truth usually adds up - has a ring to it
mayen: timmy rememeber
tim: yah?
mayen: we have talked and talked
tim: yah
mayen: i never thoguth
tim: we have
mayen: you are like that
mayen: too meticulous
tim: I'm sorry - but it does go on
mayen: you have obsseive cumpulsive
tim: he he
mayen: every detral
mayen: detail
tim: yah
mayen: detailed person
tim: I know
tim: very very
mayen: yah
tim: because I need to know
mayen: i observe that
mayen: even little thigs
mayen: rthings
tim: every little thing
mayen: yah
tim: yah -I know
mayen: you are
mayen: and i remeber the wife of sir F
mayen: she's like that
mayen: weird
mayen: 'you are weird
tim: you'll get used to it - he he
tim: Im sorry if it hurts you as a result
mayen: can i see you?
tim: that is never my intention
tim: yah
tim: at home- all alone by chance
tim: oh Mayen Mayen Mayen
mayen: you are really weird
tim: can I see you again?
tim: hello - I see you thank you
mayen: your cam is slow
tim: we are frozen
tim: yah
tim: sorry for that
mayen: me too
mayen: why you are like that?
tim: you frozen at the moment
mayen: tell me
mayen: why?
tim: it'll probably cure itself
mayen: its weird
tim: yah
mayen: its hurting
mayen: its crszy
tim: probably line usage or something
mayen: sound so insulting
tim: you move again now
tim: I thought you were talking about the camera - sorry
tim: moving again
tim: it'll sort itself out the cameras - please carry on chatting
mayen: im chatting toy uo
tim: yah
mayen: i dont care about the camera
tim: I spoke to a freind of my niece tonight on the phone
mayen: and?
tim: Nellie - aged 44 - Filipina lives over here
tim: can I get you to communicate with her?
tim: she understands my situation - how I feel
mayen: what i will do?
tim: I can phone her - give her our email addresses
mayen: and?
tim: she can have a chat with you
mayen: chat with her
tim: yah?
tim: about you
mayen: ok
mayen: no ineevr use my celfone
tim: he he
mayen: no
mayen: im not holding the celfon
tim: no - just email
tim: just email
mayen: aha
tim: to start with
mayen: okay
mayen: go back to the topic
mayen: about your friend filipina
tim: well -I only spoke on the phone tonight
mayen: okay
tim: she'd heard about what was happening to me
tim: and wanted to warn me about certain dangers
tim: in the Philippines
tim: about groups of scammers
mayen: okay
tim: blah blah blah
mayen: thats why
tim: she thought I was being scammed
mayen: you acted like that
mayen: okay i will tell you
mayen: about when i start to chat
tim: she knows that not everyone does it - but is ashamed of those that do
tim: yah
tim: go ahead
mayen: before during my college days im not used to
mayen: chat
mayen: my frineds
tim: yah
mayen: are very fond of chatting
mayen: but me
mayen: i dont like because
mayen: it waste time
mayen: money and effort
tim: yah
mayen: i dont believe in chat
mayen: long distance relationship
tim: really?
tim: I know - you told me that
mayen: because i heared that most people in chat are weird
mayen: no one will be serious
tim: huhuhuhuh - I never do it before - but I find out how weird it makes me
mayen: and for me i dont want to waste my time and money for chat
mayen: then
mayen: my brother bakla
mayen: has chatmate
tim: but if they fall inlove with you - that is serious
mayen: and she told me to chat
mayen: but i refuse
tim: yah
mayen: eversince im not used to it
mayen: i stayed in manila
mayen: without any access in the internet
tim: so you have never met with another man from the internet, never got them to send you anything? Please be honest?
mayen: when im in tierra amria
mayen: the computer there is available
mayen: its free to use
tim: yah
mayen: for internet surfing
mayen: and then i told you that miss ann is very fond of chatting
tim: yah
mayen: i ask her
mayen: to install the ym
mayen: and teach me
mayen: thats it
mayen: i sufr also in dia
mayen: i dont have picture before
tim: yah - I remember
mayen: and she help me upload
mayen: it
mayen: coz i dont know how
mayen: then i start visiting the site
mayen: i have chatted nonsense peope
mayen: before
mayen: but i never go seruios
tim: never?
mayen: because my thinking is that i dont have to believe in the people in the net
tim: no visitors before?
mayen: ya ther r visitors
tim: really?
mayen: yah
mayen : but i just chat them as friends
tim: visiting you?
tim: in person?
mayen: not viviting me personally
tim: aha
mayen: just in DIA
tim: aha
mayen: then
tim: I understand
mayen: i found you
mayen: thats it
mayen: before im not serious yah
mayen: but when i feel that you are serious
mayen: you are sending messages
mayen: to me
mayen: poems
tim: you know that straight away
tim: yah
mayen: then i devvelop
mayen: i love to read your messages
mayen: i love to hear from you
mayen: i love to knowe everrything
mayen: about you
mayen: but i dont have any intention
tim: I never want to lose our friendship - I hope that our love will survive - I truly do
mayen: since then
mayen: i never entertain visitors in DIA
mayen: its only u i chat
tim: yah - we no longer there
mayen: coz im tired to find
tim: someone as crazy as you?
mayen: anoprther and im so comfortable with you
tim: he he
mayen: then you visited
mayen: me
tim: yah
mayen: i cant believe
mayen: it hougth i was dreaming
tim: nope
mayen: but all was real
tim: yah
mayen: you camr for me
mayen: came
tim: yah just for you
mayen: i know
mayen: and i love you morwe
mayen: more
mayen: its true
mayen: i never chat others
tim: ok - thank you
mayen: you are the first man i entertain and introduce to my family
mayen: coz i thougth everything is perfect
tim: you see 10 days was nowhere near long enough - we hardly talk about serious stuff at all - we just had fun
mayen: yah but we are serious in chat
tim: we are really really being tested
mayen: i dont know why we never talk too much
tim: we don't need to maybe
tim: or it would have happened
mayen: yah
mayen: i thought everything will go smoothly
tim: Oh Mayen
mayen: for us
mayen: but there are so many blocks
tim: yah
mayen: blocking our way
tim: yah unfortunately - but we are still here
mayen: and its all true
mayen: timothy
tim: I put the blocks there - just me
mayen: its miss ann who help me make ym
mayen: because i dont have any
mayen: since before
mayen: and you are the only man i chat
mayen: i do
mayen: i dont believe to find another
mayen: and if we wont work.. i decide to quit the net
tim: yah - me too - because it is hard
mayen: yah
mayen: your biting your finger
tim: really hard
mayen: heheh
tim: I split a nail playing piano tonight
mayen: but timothy i promise i dont have any bad motives
mayen: to you
mayen: i swear
mayen: its really very hard that others are doing such scams
mayen: unfair for me becasue i never do that
tim: yah - it makes it hard for me
tim: yah - I see that
mayen: but what will i do to make you believe that im not doing that
mayen: if only i can go there to you
tim: just stay with it to the end
mayen: but its hard
time: yah - well - it is possible - everything is possible - that is how I feel with you
mayen: to prove because you are too over meticulius
tim: yah I know
tim: but I just cannot stop loving you - wanting you
mayen: i dont have to believe
tim: I went through all the pictures labelling them the other night
mayen: but i just wait and see
tim: yah - and it was hard - believing what I believed at the time
tim: it is just unbelievable
tim: the trouble is - the internet on it's own - causes suspicion
tim: without anything else - just the very nature of it
tim: the fact that we are not person to person
tim: and it is so easy to hide, and lie,
tim: so easy
tim: don't cry please
mayen: others may do such things just for money...but me.. all my life i never di that
mayen: i never do that
tim: ok my darling
tim: I know that the girl I love would never do that
tim: I know I know I know
mayen: but you keep on suspecting me
mayen: its hard for me also
mayen: its insulting
tim: I don't know the answer
mayen: do you understand that?
tim: yah I understand that all too well
tim: I do
tim: I do
tim: I do
mayen: what i will do?
mayen: timothy.. i really dont know what to do
tim: we must meet somwhere
tim: not over there
tim: maybe my sisters place in Portugal
mayen: how can i make it i dont have anything
tim: don't worry about the details
mayen: i will do that for you
mayen: okay
mayen: we wuill meet
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaah
mayen: i have to risk
tim: we will meet somewhere - just like before - it is the only way
tim: the only way
mayen: yah
mayen
tim: what will you need to go to Portugal?
mayen: i dont know
mayen: i have no idea
tim: can't you see the strange text again?
mayen: no
tim: he he
mayen: i havent
tim: no idea what it means
tim: right - topic
mayen: topic
mayen: okay
tim: you will need some sort of visa?
mayen: i dont know
mayen: i dont have any idea
tim: he he
tim: OK I find out these things
mayen: where is you cam?
tim: Darling Mayen - do you know how long I will wait for you - wait for me to get this sorted out finally - between us - I just cannot see it ever going away
tim: it says you've stopped viewing I'll resend
mayen: i love you
mayen: i do
tim: Mayen - I love you Mayen - we have to meet it is the only way
tim: I do
mayen: yah we will meet
tim: Baby
tim: only you
tim: it is a mystery
tim: but it is you
tim: what a test eh?
mayen: you keep on testing me
tim: I cn't belive the way it is happening
tim: I keep putting tests in the way that's why
tim: I don't understand why
tim: it's because it does go on
tim: that's the reason
tim: and it's ruining for everybody
mayen: yah its unfair for me
tim: if it's not you
tim: it's not me
tim: I am not playin gwith you
tim: just trying to find the truth -I swear to God
mayen: i know
tim: I SWEAR TO GOD ON HIGH MAYEN
mayen: but pllease until when this to stop?
tim: WITH MY LIFE I SWEAR
mayen: when will it stop
tim: when I have you in my arems forever
tim: then
tim: it will stop
mayen: biting again
mayen: hehehe
tim: sorry
tim: he he
mayen: mwwaahhhhh
tim: need one of your manicures
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaaah
mayen: hehehe
tim: come closer
mayen: love you
mayen: so
mayen: timothy
tim: love you to
tim: you are frozen
tim: he he
tim: feeling cold?
mayen: you?
tim: picture
tim: nope
tim: your picture is frozen
mayen: yah
mayen: camera is not working
mayen: huhuhu
tim: huhuhuhuh
mayen: love you so
mayen: mwwaaahhhhhh
tim: love you too Mayen -Buko baby
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaah
mayen: what i will do?
mayen: i want to end your suspicion
mayen: timmy
tim: I will have to phone my sister - she has already invited me over - but we have not fixed a date yet
tim: it is impossible - long distance - unless you can think of a miraculous way
mayen: my scar is true
mayen: really
tim: yah
mayen: i neevr lie to you
tim: it looks very real this time
mayen: hah?
tim: huh?
mayen: u mean before
mayen: you are examining?
mayen: its fake
tim: it looked all smudgy
mayen: no
mayen: its ture
mayen: true
mayen: i swear to God
mayen: cam again
mayen: there is somthing in the cam
tim: welcome back
tim: in it?
mayen: hehhe
mayen: mwaaahhhhh
tim: mWaaaaaah
tim: a genie
mayen: hehhe
mayen: maybe
mayen: its gone
mayen: then it back
mayen: heheh
mayen: weird
tim: yah you move again
tim: come closer to the cam
mayen: hehehe
tim: frozen again
mayen: love you
mayen: yah
tim: love you my darling gUrl
mayen i was worried withy upo
mayen: you
mayen: really i cant sleep thinking
mayen: whats happening
mayen: withy ou
tim: I'm sorry - I've been reading all your emails - not knowing how to reply
tim: not knowing what was going on
mayen: yah
mayen: now that you are fine
mayen: thank God
tim: still fine - ish
mayen: I DONT WANNA LOSE YOU
tim: huhuhuhuh
mayen: im AFRAID
tim: me neither
mayen: i love you
mayen: so
tim: don't be afraid of the truth
mayen: i do
tim: the truth is I love you
mayen: im not afraid
tim: and I want to make sure that you are honest with me - that's all - because of all the other things that go on
mayen: im honest
mayen: to you
tim: I'm still here - I still love Mayen Samson Betita
mayen: look at my eyes
mayen: im in,love with you
mayen: i do
tim: Mayen - that is just what my heart wants to hear
tim: but my brain has difficulty
tim: because you are so beautiful
tim: so young
tim: so bright
tim: so wild
tim: so - everything that I want
tim: all there in you
tim: and I have trouble believing it
tim: but Mayen
mayen: what?
tim: can you see the bottom of my heart?
mayen: yah
mayen: thats why im here
mayen: because i know you
tim: it is just waiting to be with you
mayen: love you
mayen: so
tim: LOve you Mayen
mayen: it makes me cry
mayen: knowing that you are outthere
tim: yah - it is a hard road
mayen: i dont know
mayen: why we cant be near
mayen: ifonly i can
mayen: do it
mayen: i will do it
tim: yah - you write to Nellie - she can be a go-between
tim: maybe that will help - she can ask you things I can't
tim: things I don't understand
mayen: like what?
tim: no idea
tim: about life in the Philippines
tim: about why, where, when, I can't ask you because it sounds like suspicions
tim: it is so unnatural like this
tim: aaaarrrrrgggggggh
tim: aaaaaaarrrrrgggggggggh
mayen: because your heart dont believe in me
tim: it is madness
mayen: yah
mayen: it is madness
tim: I know what my heart believes
tim: but my mind is the cautious part
mayen: yah
tim: my mind
mayen: and rthats the problem withy ou
mayen: thats the main problem
tim: yah - we are different like that
tim: but am I being stupid or not stupid?
mayen: you are
mayen: i love you
mayen: so
tim: he he - love you too - but you didn't answer?
tim: hard question eh?
mayen: hehehe you are stupis
tim: oooooowwwwww
mayen: hehehe
mayen: me too i am stupid
tim: yah
mayen: becasue i love despite
mayen: of everything
tim: I know I am - you must be, to do that
mayen: are you tired/
mayen: ?
mayen: i want to amssage you
mayen: your head
tim: well I was - until we started chatting
tim: he he
mayen: why you are tired?
tim: no sleep last night
tim: just lay in bed - no sleep
mayen: why?
tim: because I wanted to write to you - but my mind wouldn't let me
mayen: okay
mayen: me i never slepp
mayen: wondering why
tim: huhuuh
tim: yah
mayen: i was thinking of you
tim: I never write
mayen: worrying
mayen: yah
mayen: u never write
mayen: i love you
mayen: so
mayen: and i want to be with you
mayen: i do
tim: right a decision
mayen: what?
tim: we communicate again
tim: but you know it is hard for me - but I will write to you
mayen: why its hard
tim: we will write to Nellie
tim: beacuase of my situatu=ion here
tim: that's why - otherwise I would chat more often at home
tim: but I have car problems, shows to go to
tim: but still the same in my heart - always
tim: so we go on
tim: and on
tim: and on
tim: until we arrive at the end?
tim: no matter what?
tim: when?
tim: how?
tim: yah?
mayen: yah
tim: yah?
mayen: i will love you whatever happens
mayen: i promise
tim: that is my decision - it is up to God what happens
tim: no longer in my control
tim: I am hopeless
tim: helpless
tim: stupid
tim: I don't know what I understand
mayen: yah
tim: it is too hard
tim: I give up
mayen: love you
tim: I surrender
tim: I love you Mayen
tim: I love you
mayen: dont give
mayen: up
time: I love you
tim: I give up trying to find out things that are impossible to find out
tim: it is too severe
tim: I love you - I knew from the moment I saw you - nothing has ever stopped that
tim: the time we had together was the best in my whole life
tim: absolutely true
tim: the time with you
mayen: yah me too
tim: and it is still inside us
tim: still there
mayen: its unforgettable
tim: yah
tim: just like the song
tim: un-forgettable
mayen: yah
mayen: hehehe
tim: that's what you are
tim: he he
mayen: unforgettable
tim: though near or far
mayen: yah
mayen: but we can solve this
tim: yah
mayen: on our own
tim: we will not be beaten by a stupid man
mayen: please dont turn away
tim: no
mayen: from me
tim: I face you
mayen: yah
mayen: mwwwaaha
mayen: love you
tim: love you my darling
tim: love you
mayen: what we will do now?
tim: so - no stress - no worry
tim: how is your nanay/
mayen: she's fine
mayen: a little bit fine
tim: when will she be home?
mayen: the doctor told next week
tim: yah?
mayen: tuesday
mayen: wednesday
tim: aha
mayen: yah
mayen: im happy
mayen: at least she's okay
tim: yah - that is good
mayen: go back to manila
tim: you go back when?
tim: when nanay at home/
mayen: thursday
mayen: yah
tim: yah
mayen: mwwaaahhhhhh
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaaaah
tim: thank you for phoning
mayen: im really worried
tim: I knew it was you as soon as I hear the cockerels
mayen: hehehe
mayen: timothy please
mayen: love me
mayen: please
tim: yah?
tim: I do -I will
time: I do love you Mayen Samson Betita
mayen: hehehe
mayen: i wish im with you
mayen: i wish imthere to hug you
tim: yah - me too - I shut my eyes and imagine
tim: yah -
mayen: mwwaaaahhhhhh
tim: that happiness is still there
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaaaah
mayen: hope os
mayen: so
tim: he he
tim: yah - it will never leave me
mayen: but the suspiscions is still there
mayen: not good
tim: it will fade away
tim: it will
mayen: you want to see again the scar
tim: no need - mWaaaaaaaaaaah
mayen: it will remind
mayen: me of the little angel
mayen: huhuhuh
mayen: and you
tim: yah huhuhuhuhuh
tim: huhuhuhuhuhuh
mayen: im thinking
mayen: why you cant love me
mayen: we supposed to hsavr a baby
mayen: then
tim: without the doubts?
tim: yah
mayen: yah
mayen: a baby
tim: yah we were supposed to
mayen: yah
tim: Oh my goodness
mayen: i love you
mayen: and thats why i love you more
mayen: because of that
mayen: i do
tim: I love you - darling please - this will resolve
tim: this will resolve
mayen: im wishing... you love me too
mayen: i cant forgt you
tim: I SWEAR TO GOD I LOVE YOU MAYEN - believe me - but my mind hinders me - not my heart
mayen: but i love you in my heart and mind
tim: what do you think that I'm thinking of all the time?
mayen: you are thinking im a bad woman
mayen: im fooling you
mayen: but please dont think of it
mayen: im ot fooling you
mayen: i wouldnt be here if i dont love you
mayen: how many times you insult
mayen: and hurt me
mayen: if im foolong you
mayen: fooling you i should disappear
mayen: think of it
mayen: i know timothy
mayen: but im still here
mayen: im too humble
mayen: still
mayen: inspite of thoose
mayen: hurts
mayen: and insults
mayen: im still here
bmayen: because i love you
mayen: do you understand that
[Or the other explanation - that she is working to get my blog removed.]

tim: yah - I understand that
tim: and that is why we must do something about it - because it is the same that I feel - but I am the one with the risk - other than the normal risks of love
tim: that is why I can be cautious
tim: maybe too much
tim: too much caution
tim: Don't say any more - we have to meet - that is all I will say
mayen: when
tim: we must meet again
mayen: i want right now
mayen: hehehe
tim: yah
tim: he he
mayen: serious
mayen: when
tim: yah
tim: please don't ask yet
mayen: okay
tim: please
mayen: okay
tim: but it is all we can do
mayen: if only i could fly
tim: the only thing
tim: red bull gives you wings
mayen: just wait interruptions
tim: ok
tim: Mayen - if I write you a long email - please will you answer all my questions? Just tell me more and more and more about you.
mayen (5:54:42 AM): im back
.................
A three hour session - and it's not over yet - oh no. Well who won that round then?
The choice is plain to see - she is either extremely in love with me - or trying like crazy to win me round - it's not the money - it must be what I know - about the gang. At this point Mayen had to sign out and back in again - someone was spamming her account from Thailand.
.................
mayen: im back
mayen: timothy
tim: it's gone now those words
mayen: aha
mayen: camewra please
mayen: timothy
mayen: where are you?
tim: here still
mayen: i want to see you
tim: oscar
mayen: mwwwaaahhhhhhh
mayen: oscar
tim: he's a bit too playful at the moment
mayen: he ran
mayen: hehehe
tim: he can get scratchy
mayen: hehehe
tim: he's run out
mayen: gone the messages
tim: yah
tim: all gone
mayen: what else
mayen: topic?
tim: when we live together - I shall teach piano
tim: yah?
time: earn some money
tim: music lessons
mayen: aha
mayen: camera in here has defect
mayen: huhuuhu
tim: would you mind if I did a bit of that?
tim: yah - huhuhuhuh
mayen: yah
mayen: its your passion
tim: he he = you know
tim: yah
mayen: mwwaaahhhhh
tim: creating things
mayen: love you
tim: I would be the happiest, best teacher around
tim: LOVE YOU DARLING MAYEN
mayen: love you too
................
mayen: timohy
tim: love you Mayen darling - only you
tim: MSB
tim: MSB
mayen: hehhehe
mayen: i dont want to cry again
mayen: timmy
tim: nope
mayen: please
tim: no cry again
mayen: you say that but still
mayen: you make me cry
mayen: what happened to your eyes
tim: sleepy dust
mayen: aha
tim: he he
mayen: you want to slepp
tim: the sleep fairy must have been here
tim: I have work at 2.30 - have borrowed Mr Other's car
mayen: aha
tim: mine has packed up working
tim: technology
mayen: okay
mayen: timmyboy
tim: Mayen gUrl
tim: yah?
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
mayen: what makes you doubtful
mayen: tell me
tim: I will write it all to you - promise me you will answer any questions I ask you?
tim: in an email
mayen: and after answeringthat
mayen: will you be satisfied?
mayen: tell me
tim: i am never satisfied until I am with you - maybe I can have my brain removed?
tim: surgery?
mayen: huhuhuhu
mayen: i want to stop this
mayen: your doubdts
mayen: how can i help you
mayen: please tell me
mayen: please timothy
mayen: im afraid..
mayen: i will get tired if you wont stop it
tim: of being hurt again
mayen: yah
mayen: if you were in place what are you goingt o do
tim: yah - that is understandable
tim: in your place?
tim: I f I was in your place?
mayen: yah
mayen: tell me
mayen: please
mayen: all that i show you, was it not enough?
tim: I understand how difficult it is
mayen: is it not enogh?
mayen: tell me?
tim: I will answer your question - we still have time - lots of time
mayen: okay tell me
mayen: im waiting
tim: Mayen - If you cannot put up with my doubts - which I think are part of the way we are communicating - I do not want to hurt you - so what can we do but free each other before it gets any worse for you.
tim: I never want to hurt you - but we are so unknown to each other - what we feel is a mystery - but is it enough to silence my mind?
tim: what would you do in my position?
tim: I never want to say goodbye to you
tim: but I don't want to hurt you
tim: as long as we are apart - I cannot see my mind being still
tim: It is sad
mayen: what i will do to still your mind?
tim: very sad for me
mayen: what i will do?
mayen: i dont wann lose you k=just because of that
mayen: its unfair
tim: ok
tim: yah unfair
mayen: tell me what i will do to cast away your doubdts
tim: Mayen - can you try something
tim: please imagine in my position
tim: sometimes there are 2 Mayens
time: I love them both
tim: but one of them will lead nowhere
tim: because of her dubious motives
tim: and will always lead me to suspect
tim: the other Mayen is the one I can taotally let my love go to
tim: and marry
tim: and trust
tim: ther are 2 of you
tim: like there are 2 of me
tim: the one you love
tim: and the one who hurts you
tim: we both need to be assured of who we are dealing wiht
tim: I can't explain - I know there is only one of me and one of you
tim: but in our minds there are 2
mayen: i dont know
tim: are there 2 of me?
mayen: its just you who make tthings complicated
mayen: yah
tim: maybe
mayen: too much thinking
mayen: that leads you to madness
tim: yah
mayen: please dot be
mayen: please
tim: i need the cr - sorry brb
mayen: it will just ruin what we have started
mayen: please
mayen: dont do it
tim: tell me the sort of person who you have dreamed of being married to all your life up till now
mayen: okay
tim: thx
mayen: before.. i love filipino
tim: yah
mayen: because its easy to adjust
may: yah
mayen: and we understand each other because
mayen: we are the same
mayen: nationality
mayen: now
mayen: when i met you
mayen: i jsut feel like this
mayen: not because
mayen: of asnything
mayen: because you are now a part of me
mayen: and i feel love in you
tim: yah
tim: ok thx
mayen: i will tell you
tim: listen Mayen
mayen: another thing
tim: yah?
mayen: i have a boyfriend before
mayen: he was my ideal man
mayen: my firts love
mayen: intelligent
mayen: easy to go along with
mayen: but now
mayen: he is married
mayen: we separate because
mayen: he is a womanizer
mayen: more gurls
tim: really?
mayen: yah
mayen: not only me
mayen: but many
mayen: thats why
mayen: i gave up..
mayen: i want to be the only one in his life
mayen: i dont want to share
mayen: since then
mayen: we are friends
mayen: he is married now
....................
tim: please tell me the last thing you and Sir Francis spoke about
mayen: okay
mayen: i will tell you
mayen: the last time i spoke to him
mayen: he visited in water fun
mayen: with the gang
mayen: he told me
mayen: that he will file libel case against you
mayen: because you are degrading me
tim: when was that?
mayen: you insulted me
[And then he sacks her?]

mayen: before i flew to province
mayen: i forgot the date
mayen: then
mayen: i told him to stop it
mayen: i dont want to
mayen: do like that
mayen: its madness
tim: straight after the hospital?
mayen: not yet
mayen: i will think

[Mayen freezes, unable to answer - confused and dazed - for about 6 minutes.]

tim: thx
tim: I love you Mayen
tim: really
tim: I do
tim: as you
tim: no one else
mayen: but you keep on
tim: you don't have to pretend
mayen: suspecting me
tim: anything
mayen: i never pretend
tim: I love you as you are
tim: just beyourself
tim: please
tim: please
tim: I love you
mayen: what i will do
tim: I love you just as you are
tim: let go
tim: of everything
mayen: let gpo of you?
tim: nope
mayen: what?
tim: let go of everything else
mayen: what do you mean
tim: if you want us to love and be able to love
mayen: i dont understand
tim: everything else must fall away
mayen: what?
tim: whatever it is
mayen: you want me to say
mayen: i am scammer
tim: whatever it is
mayen: i am fooloing you
time: are you?
mayen: like that?
mayen: no
tim: he he
mayen: im not
mayen: but you dont believe in me
mayen: i never do that
tim: I adore you Mayen
tim: I adore you
tim: You know I do
tim: you can share all of me
tim: all of me
tim: it is all for us
tim: we can be happy
tim: together can't we/
tim: do we need anything else?
tim: no stress
time: no strain
mayen: okay
tim: I want you my darling only you - with nothing between us at all
tim: just our love - if you really do love me - like I love you
tim: we need nothing only ourselves and God
tim: and truth and honesty
tim: nothing else matters
mayen: what truth you wnt?
mayen: i say it
tim: it will all vanish when we die antway
tim: anyway
tim: I just want to be with you -
tim: no stress
tim: no strain
mayen: so tell me
mayen: what do you want?
mayen: me to do
mayen: ?
tim: tell me everything from August 10th
mayen: again
tim: please trust me - I love you so so much
mayen: i told you about it
tim: yah
tim: ok
mayen: what you want
mayen: i told you everything about it
mayen: as i have said
mayen: its the truth
tim: how muchdid your parents have to pay?
mayen: okay
mayen: my parents
mayen: have lost their
mayen: property
mayen: because of that
mayen: they produce
mayen: 80 thousand
mayen: for the propetry
mayen: my bill in the hospital is 91
mayen: sir f deposited 10
mayen: i owe him
mayen: for the deposit
mayen: 10 thousand
mayen: plus
mayen: the expenses
tim: yah
mayen: 3500
mayen: i think
mayen: plus little expenses that i never count
tim: yah
mayen: timmy why
mayen: you are too concern abiout it.. you never pay
mayen: its my family who suyffer
tim: because because because
mayen: my family suffer
tim: yah - because of me?
mayen: because you turn away
tim: me?
tim: me?
tim: yah
mayen: if only you know
mayen: yah they were hurt
tim: but I have not turned away I'm still here
mayen: you are here torturing me
mayen: insisting yourself
mayen: that you are right
mayen: that your suspisciouns are right
tim: please carry on
mayen: i thought we will forget it
mayen: start a new
mayen: but you again
tim: yah
mayen: trying to look back the bitter past
tim: because the first scar did not look genuine
tim: I believed it at first
tim: but on a closer look it didn't look real
mayen: but i have shown you
mayen: bulshhit
mayen: im angry
mayen: now
tim: the first time
tim: ok
tim: ok
tim: ok
time: yah yah
mayen: you are really crazy
mayen: YOY ARE
mayen: CRAZY
mayen: abnormal
mayen: stupid
mayen: what else
tim: but why did you have to wait till the following day to show me?
mayen: because i am ashamed
mayen: i have to show you in public
tim: aha
mayen: what do you think of me
time: I understand
tim: it just seemed like you were putting it off
mayen: no
tim: until it could be faked
tim: I'm sorry but this is what I was thinking
tim: please understand
time: please understand
mayen: no you are really an abnormal
mayen: you are
time: please understand
mayen: no
tim: we must sort this out
mayen: no excuse
tim: I am not
mayen: you have pshychological problem
mayen: you are
tim: abnormal - from where you are to where I am is a world of difference - only you know the truht
mayen: really an abnormal person
tim: only you
tim: only you
tim: know
tim: the truth
mayen: but its uselee because you dont believe inme
tim: because it happened to you
tim: I have to be made to believe
tim: it is very very different
tim: and that is why it is so hard for you - I am sorry
time: but that is the reason
mayen: bulshit youy are'
tim: no
mayen: YOU REALLY ARE BULLSHIT
mayen: timmy
tim: no
tim: no
tim: no
mayen: you have nothing but a loser
tim: no
mayen: you really want me to seffer
mayen: suffer
tim: if I am wrong I will accept I am wrong
time: no I don't want you to suffer
tim: it is the way it is
time: doing it this way
tim: with all that DOES go on
tim: please understand
mayen: no
tim: please understand
mayen: i cant understand younow
mayen: this is over
mayen: you are crazy
mayen: i cant bear it
tim: no I am not - sensible - not crazy
mayen: if only i can slapyour face
mayen: i will do that
mayen: dont joke
tim: yah I let you 1,000 times
time: I not koking
tim: joking
time: tell me
mayen: you really a bullshit man
tim: please tell me
mayen: a loseer
mayen: loser!!!!
tim: no I am not
mayen: wqhy you want me to sufefr
tim: I do not want you to suffer
mayen: why you want me to suffer
tim: I do not Mayen
mayen: you really a sadist
tim: Mayen Mayen
tim: no I am not
mayen: you are happy seeing me in pain
tim: I have to believe you first
mayen: and thats a LOOSER
mayen: you wake my anger
mayen: timmy
tim: if I still cause you pain then - maybe I am a sadist
tim: but I am not
mayen: you are
tim: don't confuse the logic - please
tim: no -I deny - because I DO NOT KNOW - only you know
tim: that is the difficulty
mayen: you are insisting your bulshit mind
mayen: your bulshit suspisciouns
mayen: and that ruins everything
tim: yah - I know
mayen: you are ensecure
mayen: because you have nothing but pride
mayen: and that will eat you
tim: but where soes that bullshit come from? Because it does happen - just like this - it does happen
tim: I don'r want my pride - the reason I am here is because I want YOU
tim: YOU
tim: YOU
mayen: LIAR!
tim: that is why I am still here fighting it out
tim: itnis true
tim: it is true
mayen: ITS A
mayen: LIE
tim: I WANT YOU MAYEN
tim: NO NO NO
mayen: LIAR
tim: I WANT YOU
mayen: LIAR
tim: BUT I HAVE TO TRUST YOU totally
mayen: YOU ARE A MAN THAT FULL OF WORDS
tim: no no no
mayen: YOU ARE NOTHING
mayen: HOW MNAY TIMES DDID YOU FOOL ME
tim: yes
tim: with what?
mayen: TELLING ME YOU LOVE
mayen: BUT YOU DONT
mayen: you are here to destroy my life
tim: no I will prove it
tim: no no no
mayen: no
mayen: liar
tim: no no no
mayen: liar
tim: what can I do then?
mayen: no wonder timothy why you have unhappy life
tim: to prove it?
tim: what can I do?
mayen: because you are lair
mayen: stupid
mayen: and crazy
tim: we have to meet
mayen: bulshit
tim: is what I said
mayen: meet yourself
mayen: MEET YOUR SUSPICIOUS MIND
tim: i have already
tim: basta
tim: enough
tim: basta
tim: enough
tim: enough
mayen: bullshit ka
mayen: DONT ACT LIKE A SIANT
mayen: SAINT
mayen: COZ YPOU ARE NOT
tim: i know that
tim: goodness sake
mayen: YOU WAKE MY ANGER
tim: I am trying to do what I need to do to solve this puzle
tim: puzzle
tim: trying hard
mayen: if only kniow
tim: to solve it - it won't just go away
mayen: that i sufferde
tim: yah
mayen: a lot becauswe fo you
mayen: you really have nothing
tim: I know you wouldn't have continued - invited me over to see you
mayen: bulshit
mayen: thats what yopub are
mayen: when will you stop suspecting me
tim: Mayen - we cannot go on like this
mayen: WHEN?
tim: we cannot go on like this - I know it;s down to me
mayen: until you are satisfied
mayen: seeing me in tears
tim: no I hate that
mayen: WHAT?
mayen: YOU WANT?
tim: I am going to get Nellie to write to you
mayen: NO
tim: I don't know her at all
mayen: I WONT WELCOME
tim: no?
tim: ok
tim: what would you welcome?
tim: right now?
mayen: you are crazy
tim: I know how this is from your point of view - and that is why it is so hard - I cannot bring up anything that is on my mind - without hurting you
mayen: you are too suspiscious
mayen: even small detail
mayen: you brought it up
tim: but if they don't go - they will stay as a block between us
tim: because that is all I get - small deatils
tim: details
mayen: its not my problem.. its just you who make this problem
tim: that is all I get
mayen: your mind has a problem
tim: yah - OK can we calm for a minute please?
tim: yah
tim: Mayen
tim: Mayen Mayen
tim: Mayen
mayen: i dont know
mayen: you hsve problems
mayen: we will stop this
mayen: because you are contagious
mayen: you bring nothing
tim: I am different
mayen: to me
mayen: because
mayen: go on with your life
mayen: i have to go on with my own
mayen: and
mayen: iwll forget you
mayen: i will do it
mayen: because i dont want to ruin my life
mayen: i dont want to be like you
mayen: A LOOSER
mayen: i thougth
mayen: you are the right man
mayen: for me
mayen: buit im wrong
mayen: you bring sadness
mayen: and you torture me emotinally
mayen: tell me
mayen: is it true?
mayen: you are torturing me emotionally
tim: no - it is because you are cought in the crossfire - between the 2 Mayens in my mind
mayen: bulshit that mind timmy
tim: I am not torturing you deliberately -I swear to God
mayen: you are
mayen: what you are doung to me right now?
mayen: is it not a torture?
mayen: twell me
tim: what happened to your understanding of how things appear over here? Because that is the problem
tim: I am NOT TYRING TO HURT YOU -ONLY TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH
mayen: thats bulshit..
tim: I KEEP SAYING THAT
mayen: i told you the turth
mayen: but you dont believe
mayen: how can we resolve this
tim: IT IS NOT MAYEN -I AM NOT TRYING TO HURT YOU
mayen: if you are like that
tim: if we can't stay and we can't go - then that is a problem - and we both have it
mayen: i dont have problem
mayen: its just you who have problems
mayen: your life
mayen: your mind
mayen: have problems
mayen: i dont have any problems
mayen: tell me
mayen: i am right
mayen: what you are looking at
mayen: thinking bad again?
tim: Mayen - I just do not know what to say
tim: no
tim: I am tired of thinking
tim: I don't want to live like this
tim: I really don't - maybe it is pride - I don't know
tim: all I know is what I feel for you & and that is behind it all
tim: and if my feelings start to turn it all bad then we must stop
tim: enough of words for now - please
tim: please
mayen: you are just full of words not me
tim: yah
mayen: okay
mayen: what you want now
mayen: tell me?
mayen: stay or no/
tim: we go away and meet again
tim: I don't want to lose you
tim: I cannot say goodbye
tim: but I am confused - you are hurt - enough for now -I cannot think straight
tim: I will write to you -promise - but its only words
tim: but that is all we have at the moment
tim: you know that
tim: what you want is my trust
tim: I kow that
tim: know
tim: if I knew how to wrap it up and give it to you I would
mayen: i dont want to force you tinny if you wont believe me
mayen: if only i can
mayen: help you
mayen: but i cant
mayen: its in you
mayen: if you wanted to be peaceful
mayen: its in you
mayen: do you understand that
mayen: do you?
tim: yah
mayen: you really make me cry
tim: I'm sorry Mayen
mayen: you know what is sorry
mayen: its a simple word
tim: yes I do
mayen: but it gives lots of meaning
tim: sorry is never having to say it again
mayen: so please dont say sorry
mayen: because someday you will hurt me again
mayen: okay
tim: Mayen -it is hard because we have to wait
tim: I cannot do anything very quickly - apart from rob a bank
mayen: heheh
mayen: dont
mayen: rob
tim: please do not go from me
mayen: i am afraid
tim: of course - and so am I
tim: for the same reason - there is only so much you can take of this
tim: I know that and I don't want to destroy any more -
tim: which is why we must rest now
tim: I think - for a while
mayen: okay
tim: I won't say I'm sorry - cos you won't let me
tim: but if you did let me
tim: I'd say it - and really mean it
mayen: timmy
mayen: what?
mayen: you are looking at
tim: next time I can chat will be Tuesday morning
mayen: no i cant chat you
tim: but I will write - I promise you
tim: no chat?
mayen: just write
mayen: one week we wont chat
tim: no chat? why?
tim: ok
mayen: i want to rest
tim: yah
tim: ok
mayen: and think
tim: yah
mayen: just =write
tim: ok
mayen: and write
tim: and write
mayen: and nellie
tim: and you as well please
mayen: i hope so
tim: Nellie? as well?
mayen: you told me
mayen: nellie
tim: if you don't mind?
mayen: you want?
tim: it might help a bit - she will understand more about you - girl to gUrl
tim: maybe
tim: I'll try anything
tim: anything
mayen: iu love you
mayen: love you so
tim: I LOVE YOU MAYEN
time: be at peace
tim: please
tim: be at peace
mayen: im so sorry if i say bad things about you
tim: no worry
tim: I'm used to it he he
mayen: not frome me
tim: no knives though - promise?
mayen: hehhe
tim: no not from you
mayen: no
mayen: i love you
tim: only your beautiful face
tim: I LOVE YOU MAYEN
mayen: please stop suspecting me
mayen: please
tim: yah - I will stop
tim: stop
tim: stop
mayen: i dont believe
tim: well . . .
mayen: i dont believe
mayen: i know you
mayen: but please stop it
tim: I need to understand you - please - we write everything
tim: all our differences
mayen: okay
tim: we are still young - only 10 days old
mayen: hehehe
tim: ture
tim: true
tim: only 10 days
mayen: are you busy tomorrw?
tim: I have rehearsal in the PM
mayen: aha
mayen: later?
tim: MOnday?
mayen: you have work?
tim: you mean tomorrow is Monday?
mayen: yah
tim: I have work to do at home here - prepare my keyboards for the next show on Tuesday - but I will be here
mayen: write me everyday
tim: I have a rehearsal again MOn evening - but you be asleep then he he
mayen: please
tim: yah I will - I promise
mayen: love you timmyboy
mayen: i do
tim: love you my buko baby
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
mayen: mmwwaaahhhhhh
mayen: friends again?
mayen: hehehe
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah yah of course
tim: please
tim: never want to lose that ever
mayen: yah
tim: just like we always have been
mayen: yah
tim: yah
mayen: i will saty with you
mayen: yah
mayen: love you too
mayen: mwwaaahhhhh
mayen: please dont make thind too complicated
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaah
tim: ok
tim: simple
mayen: you will say okay
tim: easy
mayen: but i dont know
mayen: if you can
tim: I do that
tim: simple
mayen: i dont believe
mayen: wait and see
tim: you are so beautiful Mayen
mayen: salamt po
mayen: what?
tim: just staring walang anuman
..................
[Here is perhaps a clue - Mayen had kept the original scar on her stomach, certain that I would ask to see it again at some point - in fact urgently needing a second chance to show me - since I sent the video to Sir F. Hence all the desperate emails and calls to my phone. Being concerned that it must look similar, she had been careful not to wash it off - so she tells me that she is having baths, to help convince me that it was real and dispel my doubts. In fact, on close comparison some of the smudge marks created around the scar the first time are still present here.]
..................
mayen: i never take bath
mayen: hehehe
tim: curly hair
mayen: since this morning
tim: he he
mayen: after this i willtake bath
mayen: hehehe
tim: enjoy
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaah
tim: have a good soak
mayen: mwwaaahhhhh
mayen: love you
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaah
tim: love you too
tim: where are you staying right now?
mayen: hospital
mayen: again
tim: in the hospital itself?
mayen: imtired
mayen: yah
mayen: nany is still there
mayen: thursday i'll be back manila
tim: yah - ok - we keep in touch wherever you are
mayen: iu always do
tim: have you been to Sogod before ever?
mayen: first time
mayen: here
tim: is it as big as Surigao?
mayen: no
mayen: small town
mayen: like pintuyan
tim: why did your brother call me?
mayen: because he saw me crying
mayen: i told him you disappear
mayen: im worreid
mayen: thats why he called
mayen: up
tim: basta - salamat po
mayen: you are really maldito
tim: you go bathe - I go sleep
tim: maldito?
mayen: naughty
mayen: spanish
mayen: term
mayen: okay i will go now
tim: no, not maldito
mayen: write me
mayen: you are
tim: yah I will
mayen: i love you
tim: I love you Mayen
mayen: nellie dont forgetr
mayen: i love you timmyboy
tim: Yah - Nellie
tim: LOve you baby -
tim: soon
tim: God be with you
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaaaah
mayen: mwwwaaahhhhhh
mayen: bye

We finished at 8.13 am.
Looking through the many minutes of video from this chat session revealed the intensity of it all to me again - the tears, the tantrums.
At one point, I asked her a question about when she last spoke to Sir Francis - she replied that it was when the gang all came to meet her at Water Fun, her new rooms - he had told her about the libel case - she disagreed with him about it.
I asked her if this was straight after the hospital - the poor girl froze - an almost trance like state for about six minutes - staring, confused - realising that she had tied herself in knots - trying to figure out what exactly she could say - but realising also - that I was more aware of the details of her conversation than she was - the inconsistencies.
I have a portion of this on the video. I had to break the "silence" with my "thx" - and what followed was the outburst of absolute anger and rage at me. I felt at one point that she was on the verge of breaking down and might actually become completely honest with me - for the sake of our love - but no - something or someone else had a far greater hold over her.

On comparing the video clips from the second scar revelation - allegedly from the internet cafe in Sogod - and clips from - allegedly Manila - when she told me about her mother's stroke - I became aware of distinct similarities in the background. The furnishings, the video monitors, TV sets - the spacing, the design, the height, colour and critically - as Jim's girlfriend spotted - the reflections of the room in the monitor screens behind Mayen showed that it was exactly the same room - viewed from a slightly different angle. Jim later on spotted the same electric fan in both clips.


The Mayen I had put on such a high pedestal, which had already started to wobble - at that point came crashing to the floor - and smashed into a thousand pieces - I could no longer believe a single word that she had ever written or spoken - capable as she was of not only carrying out such a despicable plot as the Ectopic Pregnancy - but also making up the tale about her mother's stroke - all for the sake of extorting more money.

I wrote her one final email - to which she replied - twice - the final word from her that she must respect my wishes that she never try to communicate with me ever again, by any means - and that in any case - I would not contact her. She left open an offer to always be friends.

Dear Mayen,
I have arrived at a final conclusion regarding the state of affairs between us.
My original hopes and dreams have been dashed to pieces on the rocks of suspicion and doubt - caused in many ways by my own insecurity - by the medium of the internet itself - by my inability to see clearly the implications of our cultural differences - our disparate motivations for entering into a relationship.
I am not willing to watch our communications degenerate into common warfare - that would be a tragedy - also a complete waste, for the both of us, of the time spent in doing so.
Hard as it is, in so many ways for me, I am asking you not to attempt to communicate with me any further, for any reason or by any means.
I shall remove any incriminating words, pieces of film from the internet, thereby saving you and Sir Francis from further embarrassment and discomfort.
I accept that the fault is mine, originally, in joining a site such as DateInAsia - in ignorance of the behaviour that germinates there.
I have had enough - my life is starting to be seriously affected - I must get back to it in earnest - I have work to concentrate on - I will put everything behind me. We will both recover, in time - and that time starts now - with your receipt of this email.
It is a final goodbye - God bless you and thank you for those illusory but happy times.
Please respect my wishes and do not bother to reply.
In any event, I will not communicate with you beyond this.
The situation we find ourselves in cannot be resolved.
Tim

9th October 2007
Timmy,
why? this is so hard for me? for us.. please dont be like that.. please
please dont leave me.. please dont turn away from me.. please..
i love you so much and we can resolve this on our own..
if only knew that you mean so much to me.. that i love you..
please dont... we have promised each other that whatever it takes
we must go on.. no matter what.. we will fight.. why you have to say goodbye..
please.. can we talk.. please... im begging you.. please dont leave me..
love,
mayen

Dearest Timothy,
I think you are right, we cant resolve this problem if you yourself dont believe in me.. if you dont have trust and respect to me.. Our situation will just getting worst if we do go on..
I have tried to save our relationship from dying.. i tried my best to understand every situation we have.. i tried to be patient but no matter how i tried, i cant help to save our love.. because im the only who work for it.. and its really very painful for me because i can hardly forget you..Every single moment of my life i cant forget because it leaves a mark in me.. This is so hard but i have to go on even without you..
I want to have a happy life .. thats all i wanna dream.. Having you is one of my happiest moment in my life.. And i have to think that it was just a dream.. a dream that cannot come true... And now i realize that you never ever love me.. You wont be happy because you dont know how to fight for our own happiness.
But i have to tell you this.. I swear to God, i love you.. i NEVER lie to you.. and all that had happened on august 10 was true.. God knows everything..Until i die i will tell that to you.. I NEVER LIE TO YOU AND I LOVE YOU...
Hope someday you will realise it.. you will realize that you have lose me..
You miss the chance to be happy with me..bUT i still hope and pray that you will be happy somehow..and please dont forget me..
i hope someday, as we recover this pain.. we will remain our friendship...
im just here to be a friend timothy..
iloveyou goodbye,
mayen

Does it sound curious to mention good luck in connection with all of these
happenings? Well - truly - every cloud has a silver lining. Serendipity - one of my favourite words - the faculty of making happy and unexpected discoveries by accident - that's how my dictionary explains the word.
I'd hardly say that I am happy though - I was - for a brief ten days in June - blissfully happy.

Without a doubt - as these events have unfolded - the particular set of unique circumstances have meant that the final outcome became totally different from the original intention - on both sides of the ocean.

The Ectopic Pregnancy plot started to show itself - the early signs were the health check - straight after my return from the Philippines in July. From the information available on the internet - which is quite possibly where these people check up the facts that they need to stage a convincing situation - six to seven weeks gestation is the time that Ectopic Pregnancies are most commonly diagnosed.
They were working to a timetable - and the news of my intended second visit to the Philippines would have caused them to refine the original plan - which was undoubtably for me to just send money over from the UK - without creating too much of a fuss.

I'm sure that the original plan would have only involved Mayen, myself and her request for money - and in that case it would have been far more urgent - there would have been no Sir Francis on the scene - no - he would have kept right out of the picture - and Mayen would have been asking me for the deposit - without which, the serious, emergency operation would not have been possible. I would at that stage have telephoned the hospital. The people involved in the fraud, who were in place there, would have confirmed and verified all I needed to know - and because it was a hospital, I would have probably believed that it was all true - and I would have sent the money.
Having bought into the truth of it all, I would have laid myself open to more and more subsequent requests - all resulting from this one situation - infections - further operations - limited only by Mayen's imagination.

I was contacted by Sir Francis on the very first day of the hospital episode - the new plan had already been hatched to take into account my scheduled arrival in the Philippines in five days time. It's hardly likely that I would have sent the money via Western Union (although that was still tried first of all) when I could have settled up myself - in person - when I arrived. So the new plan involved a private debt - between myself and Sir Francis - hence his involvement - he was the only one of the gang who could credibly have paid the deposits - I would have encountered the tricky situation of wanting to verify the facts - the wound would have no doubt been bandaged - Mayen could be anywhere - still in a bed in the hospital - discharged - gone to her province to recover - numerous possibilities - but it didn't get to that stage - I had already become suspicious and demanding to deal directly with the hospital.

They had found out how serious were my suspicions on the day of my flight - when I didn't materialise, or maybe they thought that I was running away from my obligation. I fear that they were rather over-confident about the certainty of me paying up - without too many questions.

The dice had already rolled in my favour - because I was able to share everything with my close friend Jim - who's sensitive nose was alerted to the smell of fraud and racketeering - he was able to warn me of the danger I would have been in had I flown to Manila.
Without his rational - emotionally detached view of what was actually happening - I would have caved in - I'm certain.

Because of how I felt for Mayen - I was keeping a detailed record - it was now available online - a story of romance - originally - but when it started to turn sour - I kept on with it - after all - a story isn't over until it's over - and this is how it was transpiring.
The exposure that I was giving Sir Francis and Tierra Maria estates - not only on the blog, but in all the emails that I was distributing for help - was making things very uncomfortable for them. The legitimate business front was being exposed with it's direct links to the racketeering - both sides of the business would suffer if this exposure continued.
Very soon, all issues about money were dropped, forgotten as far as they were concerned - concerted efforts were made by Mayen to re-establish our loving relationship - she had to convince me that our relationship was a genuine one, all along - and that there was still some hope for us - despite all that I had allegedly done.
If she had not continued in that vein it would have proved not only that my love had been cultivated for the sake of the scam - but more importantly - Mayen would have had no leverage to get me to remove my "insulting words."
The truth of the matter was that Sir Francis had incriminated himself by his involvement - he was the marketing manager of Tierra Maria Estates - Mayen was "one of his people" - it was all taking place under his nose - and not only from the one premises that I visited - but possibly numerous small "cells" of girls - all over Manila - all doing his dirty business - and no doubt receiving "allowances" from him - lodgings, in some cases, transport costs, money for the internet usage, a small percentage of the money that they were earning for him.
Commision - for their work - as "Property Consultants."

A great deal of this is speculation - but the infiltration that was in place would surely not be used rarely or just occasionally? No - here is a substantially organised setup - with people in place at strategic points, in key areas - that is an indication of the strength of business generated.
In a month or two, the emphasis will shift to open attacks and subterfuge on the Internet - attempts to manipulate me, to descredit me and the story. But Tierra Maria Estates will remain as quiet as mice, allowing others to do their dirty work. It is strange that they do not once try to contact me, in defence of their alleged innocence, or attempt to show me further material evidence - there would be a considerable amount of this - receipts, invoices etc. were the operation genuinely a real event. Perhaps they are being "sacrificed" - being allowed to absorb all the heat and attention - from someone else - someone with the money, the power, the organisation - to have all the other people in his pocket.

Generally it is to their advantage to create room for doubt - rather than risk faking further evidence. Had I not seen the scar video, a gamble that they took to try and convince me which backfired, my position would now be a completely different one.
Fake material can be checked for authenticity - whereas the absence of anything at all creates a vacuum - which can only be filled by doubt and uncertainty.
But were they genuinely innocent it would be to their advantage to send me copies of everything they could get their hands on, a much simpler task than all this apparent subterfuge - unless, of course, they were totally and utterly stupid.

I admit to being completely swayed by my desire for Mayen at times - so determined were her lies and deceits - as she tried to regain my total love and confidence. However the persuasive power of the evidence that was accumulating against them gradually began to help me regain a rational, less emotional grasp of the facts.

Mayen herself was no doubt getting more and more frustrated. Finding herself in a position, at the end, with not the remotest chance of ever getting any more money from the situation, but having to keep regular contact with me in her efforts to defuse the power of my circulating words.

I am certain it was the gang who hacked into my account where the first blog was hosted - and deleted it - the whole account - an hour after it became public again - containing the last and most damning pieces of incriminating evidence against them. However, the website were incredibly responsive to my pleas to investigate - they managed to reinstate the account - and after various security checks - and subsequent attempts to get it deleted again - it is now impenetrable to the hackers because the website is being extra vigilant.

The presence of the blog was becoming increasingly accessible as I posted it on, or linked to it from more and more sites.
A very just outcome - using the internet - the very same tool with which their devious deceits were made possible - now being used to expose them and bring about their downfall.

Mayen made contact once again.
At 2.10 am - I'd just been around the house changing all the clocks - autumn had arrived here in the UK - we were now eight hours behind Philippine time.
Over there it was early Sunday morning. First came a phone call - about ten minutes of sobbing - telling me very little - but how lonely and miserable she was feeling in her room - telling me how much she missed me.
We had not been in contact since my final letter to her on 9th October asking her not to try to communicate with me by any means.

It was no coincidence that the blog had just started to have quite a presence now in google searches - I had suitably tagged it - and logged it with quite a few sites.

A last ditch attempt from Mayen - it is now 28th October. I suggested we go online for a chat. Webcams were switched on - but even my enormous desire for her still was not enough to prevent me realising the pointlessness of it all.
I sent her the photograph - the one that reveals that she had never left Manila to visit her mother in hospital in Sogod.
mayen: what is that picture
tim: it is you on the webcam in "Sogod" and "Manila" - but it is the same place - the same room
mayen: okay i will tell you
mayen: i never in sogod
mayen: understand
mayen: are you satisfied now?
mayen: im now in manila
mayen: sama room
tim: it is because I feel so much for you that I MUST KNOW THAT I CAN TRUST YOU
mayen: okay
tim: we had planned a future together
tim: was that all lies?
mayen: timmy
mayen: i respected you
mayen: i loved you
mayen: and thats the truth
mayen: but the moment you turn away
mayen: from the uagust 10
mayen: it was all gone
mayen: yah
mayen: august 10 was true
mayen: in sogod it wasnt
mayen: but the truth is that mother had a stroke
mayen: but i was never there
mayen: i never come home
tim: you told me it happened on the Thursday - on Friday you wrote to me
telling me that your father was going to visit your sister Adelaide on Saturday
mayen: all was lie
mayen: lie
mayen: lie
mayen: lie
mayen: okay
mayen: my father
tim: why?
mayen: nothing
mayen: i just wanna feel how to lie
tim: hah!
mayen: i just wanna experience how to make a lie
mayen: but the august 10 was true

So it went on - Mayen trying to convince me - she couldn't deny the evidence of the photograph - but trying to convince me that this was the first time she had lied to me - that August 10th was true.
Mayen soon realised that this was the end of the road - she could not gain anything more from me - in the way of manipulation - I just didn't believe a single word she wrote - or had ever written.
Her true feelings show - although she used Tagalog to tell me. Just the same things she had always been saying, apart from the first and the last lines. I immediately got it translated - as she suggests - by my Filipino friends.
mayen: putang ina mo talaga
[You're really a bitch {or stronger - bastard}]
tim: why should I just sit here looking at beautiful you - if we haven't even got honesty between us?
mayen: ilang ulit ko ba sasabihin sayo na nagsasabi ako ng totoo
[how many times have I told you that I am telling the truth]
mayen: timmy kung alam mo lang na nagsasabi ako ng totoo
[Timmy, if you only knew what is the truth]
tim: no idea what you are saying
mayen: kung alam mo lang
[if you only knew]
mayen: at kung naniniwala ka lang sa akin
[if you just believe in me]
mayen: sasabihin mo sayong sarili na ikaw ay napakatanga
[you would tell to your self that your a fool]
mayen: at nanginigbabaw lang ang iyong pagdadalawang isip
[that what dominates is your doubt on me]
mayen: pero sa totoo land mahal kita
[but it is really true that I love you]
tim: I have no idea what it all means Mayen
tim: exept for Mahal Kita
mayen: okay sasabihin ko sayo
[ok I will tell you]
tim: but I will find out
mayen: na mahal kita
[that I love you]
mayen: at at mga nagyari noong august 10 ay totoo
[what happened last august 10 is true]
mayen: at di ako nagsisinungaling
[I am not lieing]
mayen: dahil yun ay totoo
[because that is the truth]
mayen: pero wala akong magagawa kung di ka manniwala sken
[but I could do nothing if you wont believe me]
tim: why are you writing in Tagalog?
mayen: at pinili mo akong talikuran dahil sa lintek na pagduda
[And you choose to leave me because of your doubt]
mayen: at yan lang ang nakasira sa ating dalawa
[and that broke us apart]
tim: it makes no difference - if there is no honesty - we speak a different language anyway
mayen: just ask your filipino friends
mayen: at sinaktan mo ko ng sobra
[You hurt me so much]
mayen: dahil mali ang akala mo
[because of your dis believing me]
mayen: pero do kita niloloko
[but I did not scam you]
mayen: mahal kita
[I love you]
mayen: totoo
[true]
mayen: napapagod na ako kakapaliwanag sayo sa totong nangyari pero di ka pa rin naniniwala sakin
[I'm tired of explaining to you about the true things that happen but you wont believe in me]
mayen: heloo oscar
tim: he says hello Mayen
mayen: hehhe
mayen: mahal kita
mayen: sayang lang ang pagmamahal ko sayo
[my love for you is wasted]
mayen: sinayang mo lang dahil sa maling akala
[it is wasted because of your doubt]
mayen: kung alam ko lang na ganun ka pala ka hina di na sana
[if I only knew that you are like that, I wont]
tim: you will never ever tell me that it was not true
tim: will you?
mayen: as i have said to you..
mayen: until i die
tim: So I have to rely on the evidence that I have
mayen: i will insist
mayen: okay
mayen: mahal kita
mayen: pero sinayang mo lang
[but you just wasted it]
tim: mahal kita Mayen
tim: and the rest
mayen: timmy iniwan mo ko sa panahon na kailangan na kailangan kita
[Timmy, you left me on the time that I need you most]
mayen: and thats the painful part
tim: I will answer you when I understand
mayen: paalam na aking mahal
[goodbye my love]
mayen: paalam na
[goodbye]

Not exactly a revelation - I think there is probably more interest in why she decides to write in Tagalog - perhaps it was supposed to sound more honest.
It certainly gave her an easy exit - I didn't realise she was saying goodbye.



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