27 - Webcam

Journey 26

More and more interesting stuff was being revealed every time we had a chat.
Here are some extracts from 11th September:

mayen: dont you know that sir f was really angry
mayen: with you
mayen: i have to tell you this
tim: how you know?
mayen: coz the last time we talk
mayen: he told me
mayen: that he was angry with you
tim: on the phone?
mayen: before i fly to leyte
tim: or did he tell you in hospital?
mayen: we met all of the gang
mayen: have dinner
mayen: he told me he disappointed with you
mayen: he want to tell the embassy about it
mayen: im scared
mayen: i told him not to do it
tim: yah - he told me to contact the Embassy - and he said that he would
mayen: yes
mayen: yes
mayen: he was angry because of being unreasonable
mayen: he want to file a libel case against you
mayen: really
mayen: but i told him not to
mayen: i dont want to be on that
mayen: oh my goodness
mayen: now i dont have contact with him
mayen: anymore
mayen: dont know what happened
tim: no excuse for me - huhuhuh
tim: just madness
mayen: yeah he told me
mayen: mayen forget him
mayen: he is mad
mayen: hehehe
mayen: really
.......................
[The last time she talked to Sir Francis? How did she know about the penultimate email I sent him then?
Anyway - so Sir Francis and the gang are all out for a meal, discussing a libel case against me, in support of Mayen - and then he sacks her?]
.......................
mayen: how's your friend?
tim: we are at odds now
tim: he's given up on me
tim: can't believe I don't go along with his ideas any more
tim: it's too far fetched
tim: there comes a point when it is just too unbelievable
mayen: timmy, he is still your friend
tim: I just simply want to believe in my beloved Mayen -
mayen: i understand of his ideas because it happened to him
tim: yah - but he'll know the truth soon enough
tim: I don't resent him trying to help
tim: but we agree to disagree
tim: yah - but he did influence me a lot
mayen: yes
mayen: really
tim: if I hadn't gone to him after the church I would have flown
mayen: yes
mayen: you know what
tim: and met Marivien at the airport
tim: what?
mayen: when i was in the hospital
tim: yah?
mayen: i have an instinct that you will fly
tim: yah - I was going to
mayen: but im scared you will pass to a friend
mayen: and tell anything to you
tim: really? how weird is that?
mayen: and it would be a reason you will not come home to me
tim: and that's just what happened
mayen: really i was crying
mayen: and the moment you told me that
mayen: i believe
tim: oh darling - I am so sad - so sorry for it all
mayen: i really have an instinct
tim: yah - you have
tim: all your dreams and visions have been correct yah?
mayen: yes
mayen: the time i cant sleep thinking and crying
tim: so you know it will all work out ok?
tim: have another dream quick
mayen: no before
tim: dream a happy ending for us
mayen: hope so
tim: yah quick - zzzzzzzz
mayen: life is ot a fairyale
mayen: sir F told me mayen life is not a bed of roses
tim: no it's real
tim: yah he wrote that to me - he said we had made a bed of nails
mayen: there are times you will sleep in the bed of nails
tim: yah
mayen: yah and thats it
mayen: hehehe
tim: well - it was a very unfortunate accident of nature
mayen: it really hurts
mayen: but it happened we can never turn it back
tim: very unfortunate - but I did not think at the time -
tim: I just wanted to bring new life out of our love
mayen: it happened 5 days of your arrival
....................
[There is one detail that is clearly remembered - insemination day.]
...................
tim: yah -and I should have believed that the miracle was true
mayen: yes
mayen: it happened to me
mayen: my second life
tim: I should have had strength in that belief
mayen: this is really a miracle
tim: how do you mean - your 2nd life?
mayen: yes
mayen: this is my second life
mayen: coz
tim: after when?
mayen: the operation
mayen: i thought i might die
mayen: really
mayen: but its miracle
tim: during it?
mayen: i have life again
mayen: yes
mayen: august 10
tim: yah - were you out cold?
mayen: huhuhuh
mayen: yes
tim: and did you dream?
mayen: yah
mayen: i dreamt
tim: did you float about?
mayen: yes
mayen: i dreamt of nowhere
mayen: just white clouds
mayen: and a voice
mayen: told me
mayen: to go back
mayen: to life
mayen: really
mayen: cant believe
tim: wow - yah - I believe
mayen: i told mama about it
mayen: shes crying
mayen: she thought she will loss another child
.....................
[Talking now about the Dr at the hospital.]
.....................
tim: but did she say if there was any particular reason why you had Ectopic?
mayen: yes
tim: any underlying cause?
mayen: yes
tim: what was it? [A big pause here . . . & then . . . ]
mayen: it may cause of pelvic inflammatory disease
tim: the common cause - yah
mayen: thats the most
mayen: coomon cause
tim: on the increase as well
mayen: yah
tim: apparantly
mayen: and the liitle angel was not in the womb
mayen: he stayed in the tube
mayen: huhuhu
tim: what did she say about future pregnancies?
tim: yah - poor angel
mayen: i have to be careful then
tim: be careful? get yoourself monitored?
mayen: she told me to avoid pregnancy as early as possible
mayen: maybe yeard
tim: yah
mayen: years
tim: yah
mayen: to heal operation as well
tim: yah
mayen: its really threatening
tim: did they remove the tube?
mayen: no they get the blood
mayen: and clean everything
mayen: she told me im so lucky to know it as early
mayen: if not they will remove my tube
tim: so it hadn't ruptured?
mayen: huhuhu and its imposiible to have a baby again
tim: you have another tube
mayen: yah
mayen: no more twins timmmy
mayen: heheheh
tim: had it ruptured?
mayen: what ruptured?
tim: the tube?
mayen: the word ruptured cant understand
tim: exploded
mayen: yes
tim: aha
mayen: thats why i have severe pain
tim: yah
mayen: really i never felt it all my life
tim: you were lucky to survive
mayen: yah
mayen: on that day from my sisters visit
mayen: on the dawn i felt severe pain
..................
[It is usual to remove the Fallopian tube once it has ruptured.]
.................
tim: curly hair
tim: mwaaaaaaaah
mayen: im still curly
mayen: yes
tim: yah - luscious and curly
mayen: no more date in asia
mayen: huhuhu
tim: no need - is Miss Ann still there/
tim: we can join again if you want?
mayen: maybe still working
mayen: no
tim: in DIA
tim: she's gone as well?
mayen: miss ann is still there i think
mayen: dont have contact with her
tim: no - don't worry - i won't
tim: you are really concerned about that aren't you? me contacting them
mayen: no
tim: it seems like it
mayen: i told you i dont have contact with them
mayen: to miss ann
tim: I know - I said I won't
mayen: hehehe
tim: don't worry - I have no need to contact them
tim: just thought I'd tell them how much I love you
mayen: we will work on our own
tim: he he
tim: yah
mayen: yes
tim: yah ok
mayen: ok
tim: ok
mayen: mmwwah
tim: mwaaaaaaah
mayen: what time is there now/
tim: 8:04 am
.......................
[Miss Ann - one of Mayen's work colleagues - could Mayen have unwittingly suggested that Miss Ann considers DIA to be work?]
......................
mayen: sir f IS CALLING
mayen: huhuhu
tim: yah you said
tim: you speak to him?
mayen: yes
tim: what he say?
mayen: he told me the lawyer is ready
mayen: huhuhu
mayen: oh my godness
tim: what lawyer?
mayen: i have to tell you this
tim: yah
mayen: i told you sir F wants to file a libel case againts you
mayen: and i told him not to
tim: yah
mayen: he ask me if i have contact wiht you
tim: yah
mayen: i told him no
tim: maybe he will email me then
mayen: he told me to ask a letter from my family
tim: yah saying what?
mayen: and sent it to embassy to ask for help
mayen: to bring back the damages
tim: help for what?
mayen: you made
tim: what damages?
mayen: this is really crazy
tim: what damages?
mayen: you know already the same
mayen: shame
mayen: you did
tim: no I don't - what damages?
mayen: he thought you turn away
mayen: ypur obligations
tim: from what?
mayen: wht had happened
mayen: to me
tim: no I always told him I would pay - that is a lie
mayen: to the hospital
mayen: blah
mayen: blah
mayen: blah
mayen: timmy
tim: I told him from our first phone call and in my first email I would pay
mayen: i want to be peaceful
tim: I just needed proof from the hospital
tim: yah me too
mayen: so i think i have to change fone number
mayen: so that he cant call me
mayen: keep on asking and asking
mayen: aarggggghhhhh
tim: no - keep in touch with him
mayen: what i will do
mayen: he is decided
tim: why doesn't he get in touch with me if it's so urgent?
mayen: but its up to me
mayen: if i will write a lteer to the embassy
tim: saying what?
mayen: asking the shame you did huhuhu
mayen: really cant belive this
tim: asking the shame?
tim: bring it on that's what I say - I've got nothing to hide
tim: I asked for help - none came
mayen: i know
tim: waht was I supposed to think?
mayen: i want to end this up
tim: let him try and sue me - do it - go ahead with your letter
mayen: no
tim: I want it brought out in the open
mayen: why should i it will just make a mess
mayen: a hard times again
tim: I've already written to the Embassy about it anyway
mayen: the most important is that we talked already
tim: yah
mayen: thats it
tim: yah
mayen: i dont want to make it bigger
mayen: and bigger
tim: we talk - we air all our dirty laundry
mayen: heheh
mayen: its not good
tim: I ask Sir F to do the same - to talk to me to write to me with answers - he was very cold - full of blame
mayen: i told sir f not to.. just leave it all behind
tim: I am not worried at all
mayen: so better not to contact him
tim: well if he wants to sue me - he had better contact me
mayen: that's the one of the reasons why her wife is angry with me
mayen: involving those nonsense thing
mayen: are you still ther
tim: yah - well there is no doubt - it could have all gone a whole lot smoother than it did
mayen: so i do suggest not to contact him anymore
mayen: you or me
tim: ok -I'm happy with that
tim: but you are going back to Manila sometime
mayen: yes i will be back not to them
tim: but they know where you live
tim: and you work in the same sphere
mayen: i will be back to them if i can pay what i owe
tim: aha
mayen: its okay
mayen: I WANT TO BE PEACEFUL
mayen: aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
tim: so generous Sir Francis gave you the sack because you owe him money for a tragic accident of nature?
mayen: he never ask me to pay wht i owe
mayen: but still i want to return it back
tim: And he did not help me in getting help to you - by getting things organised swiftly and efficiently to ensure
that I had the infromation I needed from the correct sources.
mayen: its because the both of you are hot
mayen: exchanging words
mayen: you dont believe in him
mayen: he dont believe in you
mayen: so tired of it
mayen: blaming
mayen: blaming
mayen: blaming
tim: Well he didn't come across as very sympathetic- calling it "A mess that we had got ourselves into" "The trouble - come and sort out the trouble" Calling me "an animal of the worst kind" - when all I needed was some genuine help.
tim: Simply because I had some suspicions - he was insulted - he didn't deal with it rationally at all.
mayen: timmy enough
time: basta
mayen: okay
tim: basta
mayen: please
timel: yah I stop
tim: .
mayen: good
timel: .
mayen: hehehe
tim: stop
mayen: please
time: . full stop - red light
mayen: we will be in peacce
mayen: hehehe
tim: yah
mayen: id better change number
tim: then I can't SMS you unless you tell me the new one?
mayen: i will tell you
time: salamat po
mayen: here
tim: you have it already?
mayen: ***********
mayen: yes
mayen: this is our simcard we bought it
mayen: remember
tim: aha with the phone - yah
mayen: yes
mayen: only you knows it
mayen: so i will activate this
mayen: after we chat
tim: he he - I noticed your phone number has disappeared from your emails
mayen: hehehe
tim: your old phone number in purple
mayen: yes
mayen: a new beginning
.......................
[So it's clear now - they want my blog removed. Weeks later - an hour after posting the final piece of incriminating evidence on my blog & it being made public again - my account is hacked into - and deleted.]
......................
mayen: what will you do after this
tim: go to bed and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
mayen: ahhhhhhh
mayen: oaky
mayen: busy tommorow?
tim: Wednesday - I might have to start having someone here to work in the studio - a big slab of work - quite a few months - need the money
tim: it will mean morning starts - so chatting at this sort of time will be hard - huhuhuhuhuh
tim: we'll work something out - I will write anyway
mayen: okay
tim: but I can't stay up to the early hours - and work as well - maybe I could get up about this time and brave the wrath of Mrs T
mayen: okay
tim: she is normally asleep anyway - that might work - just before your lunch time
mayen: okay
tim: but I will email you regularly as clockwork - no problem
tim: we go with de flow - yah?
mayen: yes
mayen: yes
mayen: have to go now
tim: yah yah yah
time: OK my sweetheart - enjoy the rest of the day
tim: and the fiesta fun
mayen: okay
mayen: love you
tim: go eat
time: I love you too mWaaaaaaaaaah
tim: thank you for the time - we cleared up a lot yah?
mayen: yes
mayen: sms me
tim: yah - good stuff
mayen: in my new number
tim: yah I will on the new Number
tim: he he
mayen: you try it now
mayen: have you tried?
mayen: bye
mayen: have to go
tim: ok
time: it failed
mayen: why?
tim: *********** is that right?
mayen: no
tim: aha what should it be?
mayen: ***********
mayen: okay have to go
mayen: bye
mayen: mmwwwahhhhhh
tim: mwaaaaaaah I'll sort it out
tim: bye for now
mayen: love yu
tim: love you too mWaaaaaaaaah

So I send a text message to the new number - I'd got the international code wrong before - that's why the first one failed.

Despite telling Mayen I was going straight to bed - I decide to do some browsing - still searching for answers.
I feel madly in love while I'm actually chatting to Mayen - but as soon as we close the session - my feet are nailed to the floor again as the doubts set in.
These doubts prompt me to test Mayen's statement that she had changed the SIM card in her phone. I knew that she had two phones - the excuse for buying the new one was that the old phone was failing - but I only had her word for that.
So - about an hour later, using Skype - she wouldn't be certain who it was calling her - I decided to ring her old number.
On connection I could hear nothing - in fact none of the usual Skype sounds - then realising my mistake I hastily flicked the switch from loudspeakers to headset - and heard a very anxious voice - Mayen - "Hello? . . . Hello? . . . Hello? . . ."
Followed about an hour later - as I was on the phone to Jim talking about the possible lie I had uncovered - I received this:

SMS from Mayen 17:56 11/09/07
Timmyboy just activate d sim . . finish eating . .
hope u have a nice day ahead . . love u . mwaahh.sms me f u
will be online.

One simple question comes to mind - why? She thought I was in bed - what is she so anxious to prove? She was obviously extremely worried that I might have caught her out - and the mistakes keep coming.

Having previously told me that she had flown to Leyte . . .

On 13th September:
tim: how was your flight - did you get ear trouble again?
mayen: no i took ship
tim: aha all the way?
mayen: yah
mayen : via surigao
tim: how long that take?
mayen: superfery
mayen : 2 days and 3nights
tim: aha
mayen: yah
mayen: its too long
tim: comfortable?
mayen : not so
tim: how was the sea?
mayen: tired
mayen : wavy
tim: he he
mayen : yah
tim: like your hair

Marivien has apparantly contacted Mayen about my blog on MySpace - the whole story from A to Z - well actually from A - W. It's still going on, but I have suspended writing for the time being.
I had presumed that Mayen already knew about the blog from when I first sent them all the URL - in one of my many - "This is going to be the final communication" emails.
This news broke in one of our chat sessions.

I write to Mayen - my true feelings - perhaps a set back in our regaining trust with each other - because I have to explain my motives again.

Thursday 13th September
Mayen-Mayen-Mayen,
Thank you for your email - that is all good to hear - I got your offline message as well.
I thought you knew all about my blog on MySpace.
It was based on the journal I was writing during my first visit to see you.
It started out as just my private, personal story - a true love story - of me and you - how we met - including poems I wrote to you - photos of the trip.
It was so beautiful - I made it available for my friends to read - I wanted them to know what was happening to me - I was very proud and happy about it.
Then - on Friday 10th August - when it all started to go wrong - I kept on writing.
I wrote exactly as it appeared to me - I wasn't going to stop the story just because it seemed to be heading for a sad ending.
If I was being mis-treated - in the cause of love - something that was so beautiful turning really bad - I wanted people to know what it felt like - how these emotional extortions worked - how deceptive people could be - how devastating the results of it can be, financially, emotionally.
I wanted to warn people - so I kept writing - I attached all the messages - all the information I received to demonstrate just how haphazard - how amateurish it all seemed - it just seemed so incompetent that either way - true or false - it came across as being a scam.
I sent the URL to you, Marivien and Sir Francis in an email - I thought you would have read it by now.
The story has been up there all the time - sometimes private for just my friends - and sometimes public - for anyone that is interested to read and be warned.
So there it is - it's private right now.
Now remember, by the time I was at the end of the story - I was mad - really mad and angry at being treated like that - I thought that I was the victim of a despicable emotional extortion -"The HoneyTrap" - a classic scenario to extract money from a loving boyfriend by creating an artificial, emotional event - like an Ectopic Pregnancy.
As far as I could read it - as far as I could see - everything pointed to that being the case - and all the "sweetness" and "happiness" that led up to the event was simply a grooming process - gaining my confidence.
My confidence was gained - was that the object of the excercise - or was it pure and simply a beautiful tale of romance and innocence?
I can tell you - it's impossible to know - which is why I didn't fly.
My whole future depended on whether you were truthful to me - whether or not I could trust that I had a deep respect from you - not a pretend respect.
How can one tell? It's impossible.
I am perfectly in my rights to publicise and warn people about being careful.
Emotional scams only work if there is trust involved - I had to trust you implicitly to enable it to work - I had to believe you - blindly.
That is why I refused to do so - and tried to find out the truth for myself.
How was I to know that it hadn't been planned all along?
I've told you before - I don't know your deep motivations - I know you have love in your heart - but my insecurity has always led me to be cautious.
LOVE - is just a word on a screen - it can mean anything - it can mean trust me - fall in love with me - help me whenever I am in need.
I do not know you well enough to know your deep motivations - and they are camouflaged by our cultural differences - and by the disguise of the internet.
I only met you and your family and friends for ten days - is that enough?
This sort of behaviour does happen - and like it or not - I was determined that it was not going to happen to me.
Unfortunately this all reflects on you and your friends.
If we are to proceed - I have to know the truth - I have to restore my trust in you completely - it has to be restored to a level where I am absolutely certain of your deep inner motives - your real reasons for wanting this relationship - whatever they may be.
If I am going to spend the rest of my life with you - I have to be sure that there is real respect there.
You could say anything you want to me - if the long term is not really what you want - you could make all sorts of empty promises - keeping things sweet - keeping my belief, my trust in line with what it is you really want - which leaves me vulnerable to be abused, disrespected.
It is a very serious point that has to be resolved - just saying "trust me" is not enough - especially with all the inconsistencies that have been happening recently.
So our story is there - perhaps we can write another chapter - I will continue with it - keep it up to date - if and when a change happens - only when I get final, unequivocal proof that what you have said happened really did happen.
The sooner people understand how it all appears to be at the receiving end of those messages - those events - from my point of view - then they might start to see why it all went wrong.
So - how do people suspected of deception ever succeed in being believed again when they do tell the truth? It's the story of "The boy who cried wolf."
Did he manage to be believed in the end?
Certainly it is extremely hard over the internet.
I was in a restaurant in Brighton - long before we met. One of the waiters told me that he used to own half the business before - but sold his half of the business to send some money to a girl he was in love with - a girl he had met while in Thailand.
He had met her family - signed a pledge promising to marry the girl - he bought her a promise ring.
He returned home.
He received word from the family that she was in hospital with an Ectopic Pregnancy - would he send money for the hospital fees.
He sent the money.
There were other requests for money.
Finally - he was asked to send some money for a deposit on a home for when he got married to the girl.
He sent money.
Eventually he was free to visit Thailand for the final time.
THEY HAD ALL DISAPPEARED - WITH ALL HIS MONEY - HE WAS TAKEN IN BY IT ALL.
He came back to England and now works as a waiter in the restaurant he used to own.
I am never going to deny that I love you.
I will never deny that I want a future with you.
Out of the two of us - only you know the truth.
ONLY YOU KNOW THE TRUTH - because - whatever it was - it happened to you.
BUT ONLY YOU KNOW.
Don't give me all that nonsense about cowardly behaviour, being weak, hiding, trying to make me feel guilty - that is simply playing on the emotions - which if it is a scam - IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT - playing on the emotions - twisting my heart to get the desired result.
That sort of behaviour convinces me even more that it is a scam - don't you see?
What was needed, was PROOF - a difficult task - but nobody tried.
I needed hard evidence - urgently.
I didn't get anything at all that looked remotely official - just excuses for why it couldn't be done.
I am resolved to get to the truth - the reason being because my love for you is so strong.
I have never given you cause to distrust me - you have nothing that I require, nothing that I need, nothing that I desire - except one thing - your genuine love and respect - a genuine wish to marry me and find a genuine happiness together - no matter what life may throw at us.
My love for you will always be there - the same - but we can only build together practically if I am satisfied on this issue.
Is your love for me strong enough to bare itself in honesty - reveal to me that it was a scam?
I can hardly expect that can I?
So whatever - I will always get the same story from you.
I am perfectly prepared to retract all I have said, all I have written - to apologise to all concerned - to pay for my obligations.
I have never, ever said I would refuse to pay.
I just need proof that I am not being cheated or lied to - simple as that - or as hard as that.
I needed help to get that proof - I still do - nobody has offered that help.
All I got were threats, emotional blackmail, silence and suspicious looking emails - nobody took it seriously at all.
Our story is there to remind us all of why it went wrong.
To remind people that I still require proof.
I have said that they are my own conclusions in the story - I have only written down what actually happened.
Can we write another chapter?
A happy ending?
I will never give up - until I die - it is of such importance to me - to know the truth.
So my plans haven't changed - they are simply on hold - my hopes and prayers are still the same regarding you - I have the same love for you as I've always had - supreme.
But it cannot move anywhere until we have resolution.
Hope to maybe chat briefly - but I will no doubt be disturbed at home here - I could go to town to be online at 5.00 pm your time.
I don't want a war either - I want peace - but a peace that is achieved through truth.
I would like nothing better than to resume - where we left off - with all the fun and love we used to feel - chatting to you - making plans - but it cannot happen just by wishing it to happen.
I am not going to make plans that are an illusion - just my fantasy - built on misleading signs from you - that is impossible - unrealistic and foolish to expect.
So please - practical suggestions only - he he.
God bless you Mayen - have a lovely day - enjoy life as I know you can.
Thanks for your email - please write again.
I do love you like no other.
mWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Timmyboy
XXX

Mayen replies with:

timmy, timmy timmy,
i understand how you feel.. but how about the people concerned? sir F, marivien?
me? for you its okay.. but how about them? we have different views in what you were doing.. but as i hear you.. i now understand how you feel..Timmy, as i have said to you, money scam might happened over the internet.. or to certain places.. to certain people.. but i will STILL INSIST THAT I CAN NEVER DO THAT TO YOU.. THAT ALL THAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS TRUE...I SWEAR TO GOD....but as i have said its all up to you.. if you will believe or not..someday you will find the truth.. and satisfied yourself..
i wont stop communicating to you.. i wont hide and disappear.. i will just be here.
i want to prove to you that all what had happened was true and im real and sincere in our relationship.. i just hope and pray..that the both of us wont get tired..and im dreaming that we will have a happy ending..
chat later 5pm my time.. sms me.. okay.. sleepwell timmyboy
love ,
MAYEN

In a chat around this time . . .

mayen: yes you will come home
mayen: and why do i have to extort money from you
mayen: i will never ever do that
mayen: not in my mind
mayen: nor in my heart
mayen: i can never do that
tim: it does go on though
mayen: id rather live in my life i used to be that doing that

. . . and I have no idea what she meant by that last line.

Here's an interesting, but scary extract from a chat we had 18th September:

tim: Aha - yah I read about that island
tim: there are some strange cult people on it
mayen: yah
mayen: but they are nice cult
tim: are they?
mayen: yah
tim: you know of them?
mayen: yah
mayen: i was their before
mayen: the name of their cult is PBMA
mayen: philippine benevolent missionary
mayen: if im not mistaken thier leader is ECLEO
mayen: my classmates before in college are member of that cult
tim: I read something about a statue being built in one of the towns
tim: What do they believe in then?
mayen: they believe thier master ecleo
mayen: can i have what you read
tim: he has visions and stuff - he apparantly can appear in different places at the same time
mayen: maybe but i dont believe
tim: it was some time ago - I'll try and find it again - but not now - it will take time to find
mayen: okay
tim: he he
mayen: dinagat island is so nice
mayen: rich in sea foods
mayen: fresh
mayen: frm the sea
tim: I'm sure it is - very wild - there are not many towns

Now - on looking up the Ecleos, PBMA - and Dinagat Island again - I am confused and scared by Mayen's description of them as a "nice cult."
Jim reckons she mentioned this simply to scare me. Well - it worked - and matched the scary sensations I have felt on quite a few occasions since April 14th - spectres of strange dark forces - warriors - spirits of ancestors - strange carvings - gotesque masks - shadows cast by great black birds flying overhead.

These items were in the news in 2002.

QUOTE - Twenty-three people died in a night of violence as police went to arrest the politically well-connected leader of the cultist group Philippine Benevolent Missionaries Association (PBMA) last Tuesday on an island off Surigao del Norte.
Ruben Ecleo Jr., 47, finally surrendered yesterday after a night of bloody fighting between law enforcers and armed PBMA followers on the island of Dinagat, Caraga police director Chief Superintendent Alberto Olario said.
The shootout erupted as a joint team of Philippine National Police (PNP) and soldiers of the Army's 20th Infantry Battalion - with air support from two MG-520 helicopters - tried to serve Ecleo a warrant of arrest in connection with the murder of his wife, fourth-year medical student Alona Bacolod Ecleo, in Cebu City last Jan. 6. - UNQUOTE

QUOTE - Ecleo Sr. built for himself and his family a "kingdom" on impoverished Dinagat, a small, irregular and typhoon-prone island mass off the northeastern tip of Mindanao.
Since it was chartered in 1965, the late cult leader's PBMA virtually turned the entire island into an "Ecleo Country." The cult also became a powerful political machinery that it created, wittingly or unwittingly, a dynasty for the Ecleos.
Ecleo's elder brother, Moises, became a governor of Surigao del Norte. His wife, the former Glenda Oliveros Buray of Gitagum, Misamis Oriental, is now a representative of Surigao del Norte to the Lower House while his son Ruben Jr. was one-time mayor of San Jose town. Another Ecleo son, Allan II, is presently mayor of the same town where the PBMA solidified its base.
On San Jose now stand four multimillion-peso PBMA land­marks — the "Divine Master's Shrine," "Master's Mansion," "Comet House" and the cult's administration building.
The San Jose edifices are indications that the PBMA has grown into a multimillion-peso, if not a billionaire establishment. - UNQUOTE

The emails I received from Mayen in this period were truly lovely, but a double edged sword that cut right to my heart - if only - I thought to myself - if only I could guarantee that her words were true and as innocent as they appeared on my screen. I would not hesitate in flying to be by her side for the rest of my days.
Our chat sessions were full of fun, humour and what seemed to be a genuine warmth. I kept forgetting that I had stirred up a hornet's nest - and I was being stung by Mayen's affections - the only power she had to keep me in abeyance. The moment that her pretence of loving me stopped - I would be converted to my suspicions again and become a loose canon - dangerous as far as they were concerned - particularly at this time.
Tierra Maria were about to launch a big publicity drive - they had just contracted a high profile celebrity to endorse them - also it appears that they are recruiting for more "Mayens."
Here is a quote from their newly vamped website:

Tierra Maria Estates recently signed up Chin Chin Gutierrez, an environmental advocate to be its endorser and promote organic agricultural practices. Starting October, 2007, TME will launch a multi-million PR campaign complimented by many events and other marketing activities. In line with these, we are currently in the look out for more sales people to help promote and sell Tierra Maria and boost sales together with our current networks of Real Estate Brokerages.

It was so confusing - so wearying for my soul to be constantly vascillating between such a grand love and such ignoble doubt.
It was obviously hard for Mayen to get anywhere near the subject of the money still waiting at Western Union without raising my suspicions - hence only the subtlest of hints had been used as attempts to prod me in that direction.

On September 19th during a chat I became fed up with waiting any longer and popped the subject into the conversation myself, after all - she might doubt that it was true if I were never to bring it up.
The initial confusion in the chat arose because Mayen presumed that I was talking about my wedding ring - which I had left with her on my visit. Or maybe she just latched on very quickly to what was about to come from me and didn't want me to suspect that she already knew about the "engagement ring money" from my email to Sir Francis - however soon after her return to the arena, Mayen had made a direct reference to the part of that same email which mentioned my relationship at home possibly showing signs of being rekindled.
The dye cast upstream had already surfaced.

tim: I want to see the sparkly ring on your finger
mayen: really
tim: yah - engagement ring
mayen: i have here your ring
tim: you got it? I was waiting for you to tell me - he he -is it nice?
mayen: hehehe
mayen: yah its nice
tim: what's it like - describe it
mayen: just plain ring
mayen: hehehe gold
mayen: not my size
mayen: i almost lost it
mayen: huhuhu
mayen: lost typo
mayen: heheh
tim: not an engagement ring? you not buy one?
mayen: no
mayen: why shoul i buy
tim: because I send you the money for one - you not buy it yet?
mayen: i mean its your ring
mayen: i have it
tim: aha - no not my wedding ring
mayen: yah
mayen: your money you sent i spent it for our chat
mayen: before
tim: all of that?
mayen: yah.. the first you sent..
mayen: then the second time it was paid in the water fun
mayen: all
tim: no not the first lot - the last lot - about 44,600 PH
mayen: hah?
tim: where is it?
mayen: not 44 600 its 14 thpousand
tim: for a ring - I sent you an email? after we chat at your sister in Quezon city?
mayen: hah?
mayen: i never received
mayen: are you dreaming?
tim: you remember me -I ask you to chack your email on the Thursday I sent it to you?
tim: The day I had the telephone man here?
mayen: what date?
mayen: i never erase any e mail from you
tim: it was the 9th August - about 4-5 oclock
mayen: timmy i'll check my e mail
mayen: wait
tim: yah - I'm sure it was 9th August
mayen: i have here your e mail
mayen: august 9th
tim: just before the one you quoted the other day "I invest everything in you"
mayen: its subjct is back online rtight?
tim: no it's Surprise
mayen: no
tim: before back online
mayen: nothing
tim: sure?9 th August?
mayen: yah
mayen: no
mayen: i swear to GOD timmy
mayen: NO
mayen: I NEVER RECIEVED
tim: with the MTCN number and I ask you to choose a ring and wear it on the Wednesday?
mayen: i never erase any e amil from you i never received
mayen: maybe you are dreaming
tim: I never got a message from Yahoo - or anything saying it failed
tim: no -I'm not dreaming - honestly
mayen: timmy look i swear to God i nevr recieved
mayen: i swear
tim: I wonder if the phones had something to do with it - the flood in the phone cables? mayne - I have to check with WU - see what on earth happened to it
mayen: you only sent money twice
tim: no - this I sent on the 8th from WU
mayen: timmy
mayen: no i swear i never received
mayen: you only sent me twice
tim: huhuhuhuh - I wanted to surprise you - I knew about it when we caht when you were in Quezon - that's why I said check your email - huhhuhuhuh
mayen: the 9 thousand pesos and the 14 thousand
mayen: thats it no other
tim: no - this was much more - about 44,600
mayen: no i never recieved
mayen: if i recieved i shoul tell you
tim: I chack with the WU office - Mrs T has all my receipts - I'll go to town later in the day
tim: I was wondering - didn't want to ask - I wasn't sure how you felt about me
tim: huhuhuhuh
mayen: no TIMMY I SWEAR I NEVER RECIEVED
TIM: when did you look at your email after the hospital?
tim: when did you leave the hospital - what day?
mayen: i have here the e mail 9th of uagust
mayen: its entitled im back online
tim: no - it's before that - that was the next one I sent you
tim: what day did you leave the hospital?
mayen: no i never received
mayen: 22 think
tim: when did you check your email?
mayen: 23
mayen: i sent you the email the four feathers
tim: from Paranaque?
mayen: and thats it
tim: yah
mayen: i neevr received
mayen: i swear
tim: well - don't worry - I'll check with the WU office - it will still be there - but I have to tell them the date, amont etc - get the MTCN number again - don't worry
mayen: okay
tim: amount - typo
mayen: i thought you were dreaming
mayen: i was wondering you
mayen: huhuhu
tim: nope - definitely sent the money - don't know where the email is though
tim: I wantd to surprise you - but instead - you surprised me - on the Friday - he he
mayen: hehehe
mayen: yah
tim: huhuhuhuhuh
mayen: its really bad
mayen: i never expect it
mayen: really
tim: yah - bad syrprise
mayen: yah
mayen: now i understand you more
tim: future
mayen: why you were mad
tim: yah
mayen: at those timed
mayen: yah
mayen: yah
tim: it was scary
tim: for me
mayen: yah
tim: the things - basta -basta
mayen: but i tell you i never lie timmy

A part of me felt dreadful for playing this trick on Mayen, but so bad was my need to find out the truth of the Ectopic Pregnancy - I would have done anything.
Mayen lost no ground however, once the subject had been broached, in reminding me to check with the WU office, but conveniently using it to her advantage - to prove that she never lied to me.

Her email from later on that day - September 19th:

timmmyboy,
i have to go eat my dinner.. and dream of you.. its now a routine chatting with you.
cant live without it.. huhuhuh please dont forget to write me everyday.. i miss you everyday.
but i have to be patient and understand everyway.. but now after this chat.. i understand you more... your madness.. your feeling on that august 10.. its really very scary for you..i understand you.... investing your money and almost everything is the proof how much you care about me.. and i really appreciate it..again i tell you i never received any money from you on that august 9.. so better check your western union there.. its a proof that i nver lie to you.. and that tragic event that had happened to me is really terrible.. the fate on those times was not on our side..just now i realize its reasons.. a test how strong is our foundation of our relationship.. really, the fate was playing to us.. now we prove we are still here..loving each other.. patiently waiting for the right time for the both of us..i love you more each day timmyboy.. really.. and i promise you that i will be here waiting for you..
please be safe and dont forget me.. mwwwaaahhhhhhh and GOD will bless us..
loving you so,
mayen

Sunday 23rd September - my sister had visited from Portugal - she was very intrigued to read all about this incident - she waded through the whole story, with the pictures that was on my blog. Her opinion about what was happening matched everybody elses - highly suspicious - but she backed me all the way in continuing to try find out the truth.
This cast a shadow over my next email to Mayen - again - the trust that was developing took a step backwards.

Perhaps the text in bold plants a subliminal message - about the scar.

My darling Mayen,
I have no doubts at all in my mind about how I have felt for you, or my intentions - since we first met on DIA.
You have come to represent my ideal lover.
How is this?
I hardly know anything about you at all - in truth - the girl I met and spent 10 days with, is now starting to appear through the veil of my fantasy - the ideal lover that was, more than anything else, my own wish fulfilment.
I seriously feel that more time is needed before either of us make any further commitment - more time must be spent in revealing communications, more visits - marriage is not to be taken lightly - that promise that we will make to each other.
This may sound like I have had a change of mind - a change of heart - that I maybe backing away in some respect.
Well, I think "in some respect" is a good term to use - out of respect for both of us - I think we owe it to each other not to become rash or hasty.
As you know - I have been totally confused by events - completely thrown off balance, off course - by an interpretation of these events that revealed our relationship in a whole new light - an interpretation that I must say, generally appears to be obvious to anyone who hears the facts.
I am not prepared to allow my trust to be an implicit part of my own wish fulfilment - in other words - simply because I want more than anything for our relationship to work - I am no longer prepared, as I was, to be blinded by my love for you.
Indescrepencies, emotional responses to situations, the timing of events, an overall paucity of cooperation - have produced a whole string of irregularities which do not ring true - making it impossible for me to shed my suspicions as to the motives and reasons for these events.
As we both are painfully aware - words are completely inadequate in bearing the truth - perhaps words and time in combination might prove to be a more successful formula.
I am not retracting my promise of our engagement or our marriage - for I do consider you as a very special, beautiful person - I am simply pleading for more time - for us both to prove each other more thoroughly.
My sister was intruiged immensely by our story - and in all honesty - has many doubts - and is very aware of the scars that remain - from the day that our embryonic love died - certainly whether physical or emotional - one is a metaphor of the other.
However there remains a phantom - a haunting - from the depths of my soul - because the seed of my love for you was planted there, tended and nourished - nurtured with all of my care. Can that phantom survive to be reborn?
Only time will tell.
If we are both willing to give it time - desire it strongly enough - and subject ourselves to the bright searchlight of truth in our sincere desire to continue the relationship - then perhaps it may survive - and may live into the future - with renewed hope and vigour.
For truth, honesty, trust and respect - as we both admitted to each other on out first night's encounter - form the only fertile ground in which love's seeds will thrive - and without which - a relationship such as ours - conducted over the internet, long distance - does not stand the slightest chance.
I feel we both have it within us.
I'm sure I can count on your continued understanding.
All my love - God bless you and take care of you.
Timmyboy
mWaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
XXX

Mayen's reply:

Timmy timmy timmy...
Yah you make me cry again.. seems like you are not certain at all.. because of some doubts in your mind..and of course the opinion of the people around you has really influenced you fully.. it really hurts in my part because i thought no one will hinder to our relationship..and its you who will decide for yourself..but as always you are affected by the opinion of others..well i can never twist your mind.. as i have said to you.. ITS ALL UP TO YOU.. as i promised you, i have to understand evry situation we will encounter, i have to understand and respect your decision as i can.. because I LOVE YOU.
The distance between us is the most scary thing for me.. and you know that.. Im afraid you cannot stand and hold on.. im afraid you will get tired.. because im not near to you.. yah i understand we have to take time to know each other more..and your feelings for me.. it seems you are not really certain.. after those 10 days we have shared, we seem to be strangers again..and thats the saddest part..
if only you were here for me..and if only im there near you..and cast all your doubts and fears you have in your heart..but i can never do that.. its just you who can help it and overcome it.. sometimes those feelings are hard to fight coz it rooted from within. from the inner part of you soul..and its ONLY you who an deal it, who can cast IT away..
But, still i love you.. and no matter what.. i will always love you.. im sure and certain of what i feel for you..no doubts no fears.. and again I will tell you.. I NEVER EVER LIE TO YOU AND GOD KNOWS MY INTENTIONS.. ITS ONLY TO LOVE YOU AND ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE..
Be safe always,
mayen

I reply twice - again perhaps unwittingly supplying prompts to Mayen about what her next move must be.
. . . please do not cry - this is so special - the truth needs to be respected - and I need to be completely assured to be able to proceed . . .
. . . no secrets- lay yourself bare before me - show me who you are.

Tuesday 25th September - early in the morning.
Whether it was the closeness to the possibility of getting the money from the Western Union I do not know - but Mayen decides to use a webcam for the very first time ever in our relationship.

Oh my goodness - what an effect that has on me - to see her again - happy, carefree in her own environment. She has her friend with her in the internet cafe with a young daughter. I observe Mayen's love for the little girl - I am just filling up inside - my love, my desire to be with Mayen is intensified to a point of discomfort.
My doubts and suspicions are in for a real battering - surely not - this beautiful girl - the Mayen I met and spent 10 days with - she's just how I remember her to be - fun, bright, so attractive to me - in every way - we just felt so comfortable with each other. I cannot believe in the alternative at all.
Here, surely, is the reality of the Mayen I know and love - bad Mayen had almost entirely evaporated. Mayen is certainly playing her trump cards - I almost fold completely.

It almost seems too insulting, too hurtful for me to contemplate - but here is a golden opportunity for the truth to be revealed. Dare I ask Mayen to show me the scar? How would she respond? This is a highly critical moment.

As usual - at highly critical moments - I was constantly being interrupted during the first part of our chat session - by the telephone. Yes - it was early in the morning - but my wife was staying out with her other man and had been drinking beer all night - having nothing better to do, decided to pester me on the phone.
Aware as I was of the importance of the chat I was trying to have with Mayen on the webcam - I started to get angry on the telephone. She kept on ringing back.
In the end, I slammed the phone down really hard - this caused the phone system in the house to go into a seizure - they all rang constantly all the time - not the intermittent ring, ring - pause - ring, ring - no - one long deafening ring. I hastily went around the phone points disconnecting them, I turned off my mobile.
I went to disconnect the broadband phoneline as well to stop any more interruptions - but instead I disconnected the computer line - it all went dead - I hadn't understood what I had done at first - but as soon as I did, I sent an SMS to Mayen asking her to hang on - I'd be back online as soon as I could.
Eventually - after a complete re-boot we were resuming the second part of our chat session.

After a while I felt compelled to make my request:

mayen: i dont know what to do with this problem
mayen: really dont know
tim: I don't want to insult you any more - I don't want to hurt you any more - I want to start the long road to recovery
mayen: but how?
tim: I want things to become better than before
mayen: everytime we chat you keep on brininging back the issues
mayen: and insult me
mayen: and you dont believe in me
mayen: how can we start
tim: OK then - there is one thing you can do - then it is all cleared up
mayen: what/
tim: you are not going to like this
mayen: what you mean?
tim: I want you to show me something
mayen: okay what
mayen: my scar?
tim: your tummy
tim: yah
mayen: yah i can
mayen: do that
mayen: im not alone in here
tim: yah
tim: it's difficult
mayen: yah its not private
mayen: but i can show you
tim: yah I understand
mayen: how? i will tell the people here to go out?
mayen: suggest
mayen: now
tim: shout FIRE FIRE
mayen: hehehe
mayen: hehehe
tim: or TIMMY TIMMY
mayen: sillyman
tim: thatt will scare them
mayen: hehehe
tim: he he
mayen: oh my goodness
mayen: there are 2 of us here
tim: yah
mayen: how cxan i?
mayen: can
mayen: show you
tim: no - don't
tim: I understand -
tim: but I feel you would if you could
mayen: yah i will for my own sake
tim: no -you don't have to
mayen: i will.. i have to go to a friends hauz who has computer
tim: please - no
mayen: and i will show you
mayen: she hs webcam also
mayen: why?
mayen: you cant talk
tim: I can talk
tim: yah
tim: because I feel awful having to ask this from you
mayen: i understand
mayen: i want to clear this up
mayen: also
mayen: finish
mayen: everything
tim: I would rather just go on trust - but I am facing such a big change of my life - to come and be with you
tim: such a big change
mayen: no its just words from you
tim: it is scary - because of all the unknowns
tim: aren't you sacred about me at all?
tim: scared
mayen: no im not scared.. coz i know you..
tim: you know me - I will know you - again
tim: I have to
mayen: yah you have to
mayen: coz.. your unceratin
tim: I cannot go on without knowing the truth - I am sorry it is all my fault - that I gave in to doubts
time: it is all my fault - but this is such a hard way of finding out truth
tim: over the internet
tim: it is impossible
mayen: yah..
mayen: but first i have to show you my scar
tim: so that is why things have remained at a standstill
mayen: then the WU you follow up.. its a proof also
mayen: and then its you who will decide
tim: that is all I need yah
mayen: to go here or not
tim: yah
tim: yah
tim: I will be sure - and seeing you again - I think I already know
tim: do you understand
tim: I think I already know the truth
mayen: i will do it.. find private internet
tim: it is an enormous lesson for me to learn
mayen: yah maybe
.................................
tim: Mayen Mayen
mayen: what?
mayen: what
tim: please show me - today
tim: sometime
tim: please
mayen: what?
mayen: what you mean?
tim: what I need to see
mayen: is the scar?
tim: yah
tim: please
mayen: yah
mayen: its not private in her
tim: I know
mayen: kids are playing
tim: I know
mayen: suggest?
tim: you say you have a friend?
mayen: yah
mayen: i will
mayen: find way
tim: salamat po
mayen: what your thinking
tim: only of you
mayen: aside from that
tim: I am a man - can only think of one thing at a time
mayen: heheeh
mayen: yahh
tim: yah
mayen: i will find way to show you
tim: salamat po
mayen: and you have to follow up the western union
mayen: its really a one of a proof
mayen: to clear this up
tim: yah - I am waiting for them to call me back - I will ring them again
mayen: then the scar
tim: yah - and then we go forward
mayen: yah
tim: life can begin again
mayen: okay
mayen: yah
tim: yah
mayen: oaky
mayen: dont forget
tim: I won't forget darling Mayen
mayen: you always forget
mayen: are you busy thes weeekdays?
tim: what I forget?
mayen: forget mme
tim: not too busy - no
mayen: me
tim: I never forget you
mayen: okay mi will find way
tim: never
mayen: oaky
time: ok - salamat po - it is important
MAYEN: yah
mayen: oaky
mayen: next time we chat
mayen: okay
tim: what day?
tim: today?
mayen: scar
time: toady?
mayen: cant get
tim: today?
mayen: you want urgent?
tim: yah
mayen: cant get you
mayen: okay
mayen: okay tonite
mayen: can you
tim: what time for you?
mayen: ill sms you
mayen: i have to talk to the owner
mayen: to use it privately
tim: ok - it will be before I have to go out anyway
mayen: if i cant
mayen: i have to go to a friends hauz
mayen: i'll sms you
tim: OK salamat po
mayen: oaky
tim: then I will know - for sure
mayen: what else?
tim: and we can pick up the pieces
tim: nothing is more urgent than that - really - truly -
mayen: yah
mayen: okay
mayen: i will show you
tim: mWaaaaaaaaaaaah
mayen: and sms you
mayen: have to go now
mayen: pinky is sleeping
tim: OK - I leave my phone on LOUD
mayen: i'll be back
mayen: smsms you
tim: salamat po - I'll leave the YM on as well
mayen: yah
mayen: bye
mayen: later
mayen: okay
tim: you go?
mayen: yah
tim: later then - God bless you Mayen
mayen: pinky is sleeping
mayen: bye
tim: bye for now mWaaaaaaaaaaah
mayen: why your crying
mayen: joke hehe
mayen: brother also is waitng
tim: I cry because of your pain
mayen: okay
mayen: bye
mayen: brother is waiting
tim: bye for now - ok
tim: later my sweetheart
.............................................
Oh my goodness - here it comes - the moment of truth - the moment I had been dreading yet praying for. A resolution at last. Soon I will know.



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