Journey 15
A MONTH ON
Photographs have the unfortunate habit of usurping feelings, replacing them with something purely visual, in a reference that is only courtesy of the camera lens.
They give me the same sensation as walking through a waxworks.
What is crucial for me to remember is exactly how I was feeling when these photographs were taken.
Memory is an ephemeral, fragile thing - however my feelings exist at such a deep place inside me - I am never going to forget the power those moments had to change the thrust of my life.
Mayen and I are still regularly keeping in touch - via the humble means at our disposal.
I have planned another trip in August - mainly because I am desperate to be with her again - and to sort out various plans and explore in more detail ideas for our future. Progress seems laboriously slow on the home front - there is so much to be done - and my guilt at keeping poor Mayen waiting - so patiently, bless her - adds to the overall discomfort.
I am faced with poisonous attitudes from some of those people around me - which at times have encouraged, reconstituted my own early fears and doubts. I have battled willfully against this - my faith being victorious - I am now so resolute that, no matter what, no matter when - I will marry Mayen - we will live a happy, prosperous life together in the Philippines.
We will not be defeated by time or space - we are as close as ever - and constantly growing in trust and respect - excited and full of wonder, as always, by our seemingly miraculous happiness.
Ours will be no shooting star
To burn up soon,
Without a trace,
Or like the moon,
That shines afar,
No smile upon her face,
But as the sun,
So warm, so bright,
Our days are spun
With rays of light,
Threads of fire,
Woven gold,
Young love's desire
While hearts grow old.
God bless you all.
I have another very strange dream - riding in a horse drawn carriage I arrive in the forecourt of a large, sombre castle.
As the carriage crunches across the gravel and makes a turn to the left I look up - standing behind the castellated boundary - up on the roof - two hooded figures - both women - I know them to be members of Mayen's family.
One of them points out and I hear "Mayen is here - she's waiting for you."
In the dream my cellphone rings - it's Mayen. I don't get to hear what the call is about - for at that point I wake up.
Click the flags to read about all the alarm bells.
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